A Birthday
Ben turned 26 on June 22nd. Happy Birthday Ben!!!!! You dinged! Woot!
Chris, Shawn, Ben, and I all went to Waves of Fun, a wave pool in Hurricane, on Saturday. It was a wee bit chilly as it was overcast for most of the day. I swam around for a bit, but my cold started sapping my energy so I got out and covered myself with towels for the rest of the day in a vain attempt to warm myself.
It was a little depressing because we were the oldest people there that were not parents brining their children. Shawn, Ben, and especially, Chris were eyeing the young girls in bikinis, acknowledging the fact that indulging their fantasies would mean a jail sentence...and questioning whether or not that jail time would be worth it? I kept scolding them, "Guys! She's probably only like 15!", but I was in no position to talk. After retiring to the towels on the lawn, I found I had nothing to do but people watch. I observed teenage courtship and love at its finest and most sickening. I also observed many young, attractive males. I was especially fond of a couple of the lifeguard boys. I was a little shocked when I realized that I was actually guilty of ogling these 17 or 18 year old boys. "Pedofile!", I thought to myself, "You nasty, nasty dirty old woman!" I still feel a little dirty.
Ben bought himself a Game Cube that night and the boyz played it while I snoozed on the couch. On Sunday we all watched Old School, which was pretty fucking hilarious, and we had some Incredible Hulk ice cream birthday cake. All in all it was a good weekend.
I hope it was an okay Birthday, Benjamin! Again, Happy Birthday!
Get Down with the Sickness
I'm down with the sickness.
My tonsils have swollen to the size of golf balls and I was wicked crazy delirious yesterday evening. I went to sleep and slept one of those twisty, turny, nightmarish, fevered sleeps, waking periodically to take a sip of ice water that I somehow put beside my bed. Lucky for me that I didn't have to go in to work until 1pm today, due to being volunteered to stay and watch the carpet guys lay some carpet at work. (hehehe...carpet)
I'm not delirious anymore...but my throat still hurts like a bitch. I hope Tylenol Flu will do the trick because I really fucking hate taking antibiotics. It's a little known fact that antibiotics are actually made with sperm and can make you pregnant. And I really can't afford to be a single parent.
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness and still keeps their purpose in mind;
I want somebody who has a tortured soul...some of the time;
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery;
Or maybe just put it all to words and make me say, "You know, I never heard it put that way".
Make me say, "What did you just say?"
~Ani Difranco "Asking Too Much"
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Healing
I hung out with Ben this afternoon at his pool in the ghetto of Charleston. Actually it was a really nice facility...I was impressed. It started raining so he got off early and I took him to Greenbreir Street to witness the flood damage and then we had ice cream. He actually got his diploma today, which was nice to witness. :) I'm proud of him. He took it home to his mom this evening...I remember how excited I was to show my mother mine. :) In short, it was a good day and I know that we're going to be fine as friends.
Ben had run into an old girlfriend from high school or junior high the other day and they went out this week. I was taken a little by surprise, I guess, at how quickly he sought another connection. It was a little difficult and strange initially, but I'm cool with it now.
Also, I was a little down earlier this week because I found wedding vows that I had written for us back in 1999 when I was marriage crazy. They were actually pretty good. I would share them but that's a little too private, even for me, the Queen of TMI. I had to cry for a second when I found them...for the hope and the dream that has been lost. I kept them though. That's a moment in time when I loved very deeply and truly and it's something that I don't want to forget.
What Would Jesus Eat?
The other day while dining with Matt and Cyndi we all came up with a restaurant idea: What Would Jesus Eat? It would be a tastful Christian-themed family dining establishment. We even came up with a few menu items. For example, Fishes and Loaves...a fish sandwich large enough to feed the masses! The Johan Burger...it's a whale of a burger! The House Salad...fresh from the Garden of Eden! Or Adam's Rib Platter...once you're done with this meal you'll feel like you've grown a whole new person! The Last Supper...an 84 oz. steak and baked potato...if you finish this meal it actually might be your last supper! Noah's Sampler Platter...a flood of taste sensations with all of your favorite appetizers served two by two, of course! (unicorn bread, $0.75 extra) And don't forget desert! Eve's Apple Temptation...so sinfully delicious you'll give up paradise on earth for a bite of this delectable treat!
It could happen. No, really, it could!
I hung out with Ben this afternoon at his pool in the ghetto of Charleston. Actually it was a really nice facility...I was impressed. It started raining so he got off early and I took him to Greenbreir Street to witness the flood damage and then we had ice cream. He actually got his diploma today, which was nice to witness. :) I'm proud of him. He took it home to his mom this evening...I remember how excited I was to show my mother mine. :) In short, it was a good day and I know that we're going to be fine as friends.
Ben had run into an old girlfriend from high school or junior high the other day and they went out this week. I was taken a little by surprise, I guess, at how quickly he sought another connection. It was a little difficult and strange initially, but I'm cool with it now.
Also, I was a little down earlier this week because I found wedding vows that I had written for us back in 1999 when I was marriage crazy. They were actually pretty good. I would share them but that's a little too private, even for me, the Queen of TMI. I had to cry for a second when I found them...for the hope and the dream that has been lost. I kept them though. That's a moment in time when I loved very deeply and truly and it's something that I don't want to forget.
What Would Jesus Eat?
The other day while dining with Matt and Cyndi we all came up with a restaurant idea: What Would Jesus Eat? It would be a tastful Christian-themed family dining establishment. We even came up with a few menu items. For example, Fishes and Loaves...a fish sandwich large enough to feed the masses! The Johan Burger...it's a whale of a burger! The House Salad...fresh from the Garden of Eden! Or Adam's Rib Platter...once you're done with this meal you'll feel like you've grown a whole new person! The Last Supper...an 84 oz. steak and baked potato...if you finish this meal it actually might be your last supper! Noah's Sampler Platter...a flood of taste sensations with all of your favorite appetizers served two by two, of course! (unicorn bread, $0.75 extra) And don't forget desert! Eve's Apple Temptation...so sinfully delicious you'll give up paradise on earth for a bite of this delectable treat!
It could happen. No, really, it could!
Monday, June 16, 2003
Cry Me A River
God, I'm tired...but I'm alive and that's all that matters.
Today I was trapped at work for a bit as torrential rains fell and turned the road below the clinic into a rushing river. It rained all morning and I honestly thought that I would be spending the night at the treatment center with no heat and worst of all...no food! I kept eyeing my coworkers, wondering who would be the first to be cannibalized in the instance that we were stranded there for several days. I finally decided that Joey, a very quick-witted young gentleman who developed a limp due to a spinal injury a few years ago, would be my best bet. Easiest to catch. :) I mentioned it to him, audibly musing what "leg of Joey' must taste like.
A few of the patients were stranded with us and they ended up sleeping downstairs in the lobby. For the most part everyone stayed calm. One patient and his girlfriend decided to brave the road in their blue Mustang...a few minutes after their attempt we saw the car abandoned with water rushing all around it. The couple made their way back to the center physically unscathed, but received quite the tongue lashing from their respective counselors upon their return.
I mostly sat in my office, attempting to work by the light of the tiny cherry scented candle that one of my young female patients left me upon her transfer to the clinic in Huntington. If I didn't keep busy I was going to flip out or fall asleep. And I was getting paid to be there, after all.
At about 11:00am the rain let up a bit and Eric went out scouting in his Jeep to check the road conditions. He returned at 11:45am stating that we should be able to reach the Interstate via the town of Big Chimney. So at noon, after receiving leave from the Program Director to head home, I jumped in my car and followed Eric off of the hill.
The road was covered with shallow pools of water about every 20 yards and about a mile down the road we found a bridge, with the asphalt all buckled and broken, nearly ready to collapse. We had no choice but to cross it and luckily we made it. After reaching the Interstate, one couldn't even tell that there was a state of emergency at all. The city of St. Albans looks as peaceful as ever...just very damp from the heavy rains. It was sort of surreal and hard to believe that just 20 miles in the opposite direction people's homes, businesses, and roads were all being destroyed by raging floodwaters. Scary shit, man.
A Change
I’ve been avoiding this post for a while now. But I can’t hide forever.
Ben and I separated on Memorial Day weekend. Last weekend I told him that I didn't think it would be healthy for us to continue our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now we are in the process of learning how to let go of the past relationship and morph it into a friendship.
We had a very difficult, but beneficial talk last night about the whole thing. Ben has been very unaccepting of the whole situation and didn't understand my reasoning, and in fact, felt that I didn't use reason at all in my decision. There's reason here...but also a ton of emotion. You can't escape emotion when dealing with matters of the heart.
Last night Ben asked me to explain my perspective and reasons for breaking up to him. I explained that after fucking up in the beginning, I finally came to my sense and tried to make things work. I decided that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I put everything I had into the relationship. Actually, we both put every bit of ourselves into our relationship to the point that we each lost a part of our individual identities and we became very unhealthily dependent upon each other. Instead of Christina & Ben we were ChristinaandBen...one entity...rarely apart...hardly existing without the other half.
Ben's depression kicked in and grew pretty black as he was trying to deal with our situation as well as the imminent loss of his father to prostate cancer. He made attempts, that he felt were attainable at the time, but maintains that his mental state limited him from actually succeeding. I did my best to be understanding and supportive, however I am only human and I know that I failed at times and instead became critical and nit-picky. I expected him to maintain employment and pay his share of the bills in a consistent manner while also dividing the housework with me. He was unable to do this.
For a while I accepted this, blaming myself mostly for his mental state. I tried to be supportive and tried not to push him before he was ready. ( I know I didn't do a great job of the not pushing thing, but again, I'm only human.) I eventually began mentally tearing myself down for my past transgressions and I ripped myself to the point of zero self-esteem.
In October of 2001 I hit a breaking point. There was not enough money in the checking account to pay the bills and my check would only add a little more. We had gone through my entire savings because he had no income, but I still continued to pay the bills. I finally broke down and issued an ultimatum that if things didn't change that our relationship would end. (I didn't put a time limitation on this threat.) Somehow this low allowed me to finally start to forgive myself. I realized that I had reached the bottom and could go no further. I simply couldn't continue to tear myself down and still survive. So I started to forgive myself.
Things got better for a while...some things stayed a bit improved. However, for the most part, old patterns reemerged. The more that I forgave myself and stopped laying blame on myself for everything, the more I found that I grew angry at Ben everytime he did something that I felt wronged me. In other words, I started laying blame and anger where blame and anger was due.
Finally in January of 2003 I stated simply to Ben that our relationship would not last out the year, maybe the summer, if things did not change and soon. He acknowledged me and promised to change. Attempts were made in February and changes were made in March and April. The unfortunate truth is that I had mostly lost the will to try by the end of February...and all the little things that he changed didn't matter anymore. And when he would point out the fact that he had cleaned the living room or washed the dishes, I would only feel frustrated with him, thinking, "Why should I congratulated you for something that you should have been doing all along?" It eventually became too much and it all came gushing out the middle of May.
I understand that Ben has been trying for years. I understand that he has been in an extremely difficult position, having his girlfriend hurt him in such a way and then losing his father and grandfather in the same year. Perhaps I am not patient or understanding enough. Perhaps I am unreasonable. Perhaps this is all very unfair. I cannot change my past failings, though I have tried to for years. I wish I could give him his father and grandfather back...but I can't. I have tried to be understanding and loving and patient and supportive. I did my best to be the partner that he needed, just as he did his best to be the partner that I needed. Somewhere in there we missed and failed each other and for that I am sorry. I would much rather not be walking this path that I am on if there were any other way to be true to myself.
I admit that I made a mistake in the breakup. This is the one thing that I regret. Initially, when we broke up I should have left it at that, but I still had the tiniest sliver of hope that my heart could change if some of the stress was alleviated. So I asked him to move out and we agreed to date. Honestly, neither one of us wanted to let go because we did and do still love each other very much. Once I was alone and could clear my mind to think, I realized that I did indeed feel less stressed, more peaceful, and happier. I also noticed that my heart did not change when I was near him...I realized that nothing he could do at this time would change my heart because I had lost respect for him. I knew that I needed to gain that back before I could ever love him the way I needed to to plan on being his sole companion and wife. So I had to let him go. I realize that it would have been much more fair to him to just do the breakup rather than raise the hope that we might continue to date. But I've never done this before...I don't know what I'm doing. The last thing I want in the world is to hurt him...
We had a good talk last night out in the middle of the street in front of Matt and Cyndi's house...until half past midnight. He had gone over and over the situation stating that it had been a waste...that it had been all for nothing. After our talk we both realized that even though the outcome was not what we had planned or hoped for, it had not been a waste. We have grown so much together over the past 6 years. We have learned so much. We have become better people. We have established a friendship that will never fade. We have established a friendship and love with our circle of friends that is very much like the bond a family shares. We are better people because of knowing and loving each other. How can anyone ever call that a waste?
One thing remains and always will. I love you, Ben. I truly do and I want you to be happy, but I'm not the woman who can do that right now...and I don't know if I'll ever be her. We need to become strong as individuals again...we need to get ourselves back. And who knows? Maybe years down the road we'll fall in love again. But I won't pursue a relationship with you until I feel that it's right. You are my best friend and I never want that to change. That's why we have to work on that now and transform our relationship from one beautiful, but fading romance into a beautiful, vibrant, and very much living friendship.
God, I'm tired...but I'm alive and that's all that matters.
Today I was trapped at work for a bit as torrential rains fell and turned the road below the clinic into a rushing river. It rained all morning and I honestly thought that I would be spending the night at the treatment center with no heat and worst of all...no food! I kept eyeing my coworkers, wondering who would be the first to be cannibalized in the instance that we were stranded there for several days. I finally decided that Joey, a very quick-witted young gentleman who developed a limp due to a spinal injury a few years ago, would be my best bet. Easiest to catch. :) I mentioned it to him, audibly musing what "leg of Joey' must taste like.
A few of the patients were stranded with us and they ended up sleeping downstairs in the lobby. For the most part everyone stayed calm. One patient and his girlfriend decided to brave the road in their blue Mustang...a few minutes after their attempt we saw the car abandoned with water rushing all around it. The couple made their way back to the center physically unscathed, but received quite the tongue lashing from their respective counselors upon their return.
I mostly sat in my office, attempting to work by the light of the tiny cherry scented candle that one of my young female patients left me upon her transfer to the clinic in Huntington. If I didn't keep busy I was going to flip out or fall asleep. And I was getting paid to be there, after all.
At about 11:00am the rain let up a bit and Eric went out scouting in his Jeep to check the road conditions. He returned at 11:45am stating that we should be able to reach the Interstate via the town of Big Chimney. So at noon, after receiving leave from the Program Director to head home, I jumped in my car and followed Eric off of the hill.
The road was covered with shallow pools of water about every 20 yards and about a mile down the road we found a bridge, with the asphalt all buckled and broken, nearly ready to collapse. We had no choice but to cross it and luckily we made it. After reaching the Interstate, one couldn't even tell that there was a state of emergency at all. The city of St. Albans looks as peaceful as ever...just very damp from the heavy rains. It was sort of surreal and hard to believe that just 20 miles in the opposite direction people's homes, businesses, and roads were all being destroyed by raging floodwaters. Scary shit, man.
A Change
I’ve been avoiding this post for a while now. But I can’t hide forever.
Ben and I separated on Memorial Day weekend. Last weekend I told him that I didn't think it would be healthy for us to continue our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now we are in the process of learning how to let go of the past relationship and morph it into a friendship.
We had a very difficult, but beneficial talk last night about the whole thing. Ben has been very unaccepting of the whole situation and didn't understand my reasoning, and in fact, felt that I didn't use reason at all in my decision. There's reason here...but also a ton of emotion. You can't escape emotion when dealing with matters of the heart.
Last night Ben asked me to explain my perspective and reasons for breaking up to him. I explained that after fucking up in the beginning, I finally came to my sense and tried to make things work. I decided that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life and I put everything I had into the relationship. Actually, we both put every bit of ourselves into our relationship to the point that we each lost a part of our individual identities and we became very unhealthily dependent upon each other. Instead of Christina & Ben we were ChristinaandBen...one entity...rarely apart...hardly existing without the other half.
Ben's depression kicked in and grew pretty black as he was trying to deal with our situation as well as the imminent loss of his father to prostate cancer. He made attempts, that he felt were attainable at the time, but maintains that his mental state limited him from actually succeeding. I did my best to be understanding and supportive, however I am only human and I know that I failed at times and instead became critical and nit-picky. I expected him to maintain employment and pay his share of the bills in a consistent manner while also dividing the housework with me. He was unable to do this.
For a while I accepted this, blaming myself mostly for his mental state. I tried to be supportive and tried not to push him before he was ready. ( I know I didn't do a great job of the not pushing thing, but again, I'm only human.) I eventually began mentally tearing myself down for my past transgressions and I ripped myself to the point of zero self-esteem.
In October of 2001 I hit a breaking point. There was not enough money in the checking account to pay the bills and my check would only add a little more. We had gone through my entire savings because he had no income, but I still continued to pay the bills. I finally broke down and issued an ultimatum that if things didn't change that our relationship would end. (I didn't put a time limitation on this threat.) Somehow this low allowed me to finally start to forgive myself. I realized that I had reached the bottom and could go no further. I simply couldn't continue to tear myself down and still survive. So I started to forgive myself.
Things got better for a while...some things stayed a bit improved. However, for the most part, old patterns reemerged. The more that I forgave myself and stopped laying blame on myself for everything, the more I found that I grew angry at Ben everytime he did something that I felt wronged me. In other words, I started laying blame and anger where blame and anger was due.
Finally in January of 2003 I stated simply to Ben that our relationship would not last out the year, maybe the summer, if things did not change and soon. He acknowledged me and promised to change. Attempts were made in February and changes were made in March and April. The unfortunate truth is that I had mostly lost the will to try by the end of February...and all the little things that he changed didn't matter anymore. And when he would point out the fact that he had cleaned the living room or washed the dishes, I would only feel frustrated with him, thinking, "Why should I congratulated you for something that you should have been doing all along?" It eventually became too much and it all came gushing out the middle of May.
I understand that Ben has been trying for years. I understand that he has been in an extremely difficult position, having his girlfriend hurt him in such a way and then losing his father and grandfather in the same year. Perhaps I am not patient or understanding enough. Perhaps I am unreasonable. Perhaps this is all very unfair. I cannot change my past failings, though I have tried to for years. I wish I could give him his father and grandfather back...but I can't. I have tried to be understanding and loving and patient and supportive. I did my best to be the partner that he needed, just as he did his best to be the partner that I needed. Somewhere in there we missed and failed each other and for that I am sorry. I would much rather not be walking this path that I am on if there were any other way to be true to myself.
I admit that I made a mistake in the breakup. This is the one thing that I regret. Initially, when we broke up I should have left it at that, but I still had the tiniest sliver of hope that my heart could change if some of the stress was alleviated. So I asked him to move out and we agreed to date. Honestly, neither one of us wanted to let go because we did and do still love each other very much. Once I was alone and could clear my mind to think, I realized that I did indeed feel less stressed, more peaceful, and happier. I also noticed that my heart did not change when I was near him...I realized that nothing he could do at this time would change my heart because I had lost respect for him. I knew that I needed to gain that back before I could ever love him the way I needed to to plan on being his sole companion and wife. So I had to let him go. I realize that it would have been much more fair to him to just do the breakup rather than raise the hope that we might continue to date. But I've never done this before...I don't know what I'm doing. The last thing I want in the world is to hurt him...
We had a good talk last night out in the middle of the street in front of Matt and Cyndi's house...until half past midnight. He had gone over and over the situation stating that it had been a waste...that it had been all for nothing. After our talk we both realized that even though the outcome was not what we had planned or hoped for, it had not been a waste. We have grown so much together over the past 6 years. We have learned so much. We have become better people. We have established a friendship that will never fade. We have established a friendship and love with our circle of friends that is very much like the bond a family shares. We are better people because of knowing and loving each other. How can anyone ever call that a waste?
One thing remains and always will. I love you, Ben. I truly do and I want you to be happy, but I'm not the woman who can do that right now...and I don't know if I'll ever be her. We need to become strong as individuals again...we need to get ourselves back. And who knows? Maybe years down the road we'll fall in love again. But I won't pursue a relationship with you until I feel that it's right. You are my best friend and I never want that to change. That's why we have to work on that now and transform our relationship from one beautiful, but fading romance into a beautiful, vibrant, and very much living friendship.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
One and all may rejoice in the news that I've finally recovered from my gastrointestinal difficulties! Huzzah!
I just finished a two day training in crisis intervention and prevention today. We did some role plays and skits and stuff. Pretty entertaining. I got to be belligerent to Cyndi while roleplaying as a patient...I called her a dirty bitch from hell and said "fuck" a lot. (hehehe)
My program director asked me today if I wanted to take her place at a seminar on Thursday in Morgantown, WV and I agreed. I'm going up with two other staff members, Kevin and Val. I suppose it's a good thing that she asked me to go. It makes me a little nervous honestly. :) I find myself wondering, "Why me?' Eric is constantly saying that I'm on the KA Team or Kiss Ass Team, but I don't kiss ass goddamnit!!! I'm nice to fucking everybody all the fucking time, miserable sons of bitches!!!!!!!!
Anyway, it makes me wonder if she's eyeing me for advancement in the company. While I know that should feel excited at that prospect, it makes me a bit nervous. I guess that just shows my lack of confidence in certain areas. Be positive! Keep it together! Keep it together!!
Well...I'll write more later when I can organize my thoughts.
Chris G. out.
I just finished a two day training in crisis intervention and prevention today. We did some role plays and skits and stuff. Pretty entertaining. I got to be belligerent to Cyndi while roleplaying as a patient...I called her a dirty bitch from hell and said "fuck" a lot. (hehehe)
My program director asked me today if I wanted to take her place at a seminar on Thursday in Morgantown, WV and I agreed. I'm going up with two other staff members, Kevin and Val. I suppose it's a good thing that she asked me to go. It makes me a little nervous honestly. :) I find myself wondering, "Why me?' Eric is constantly saying that I'm on the KA Team or Kiss Ass Team, but I don't kiss ass goddamnit!!! I'm nice to fucking everybody all the fucking time, miserable sons of bitches!!!!!!!!
Anyway, it makes me wonder if she's eyeing me for advancement in the company. While I know that should feel excited at that prospect, it makes me a bit nervous. I guess that just shows my lack of confidence in certain areas. Be positive! Keep it together! Keep it together!!
Well...I'll write more later when I can organize my thoughts.
Chris G. out.
Wednesday, June 04, 2003
I've been busying myself with cleaning up the apartment. Sunday night I finished moping all of the floors and making the bathrooms spotless. All of this effort only to blow chunks everywhere on Monday night. Yup, that's right. Projectile vomitting. Yummy. :) Apparently I contracted this nasty stomach virus from Ben over the weekend and I ended up spewing bits of my 6 inch Subway Turkey sub all over the downstairs bathroom. After I puked I was so pissed that my bathroom was dirty after I had just cleaned it, so I spent 2 hours cleaning it again. A little psycho? Maybe.
I've been nauseous for the past two days...and counting. Yesterday I was actually able to eat and keep down a Biggie Fry from Wendy's and today a Baked Potato. I'm hungry now but I'm honestly afraid to eat because I feel only slightly nauseated right now. Why fuck with it if it's still sort of working?
But I must thank Ben. Since I've been ill I've lost 7 lbs. I'm back down to 190. After I'm well, I'll just have to hit the gym every evening and melt away 30 some more lbs.
Let's see...anything exciting happen at work recently? Of course! There's always excitement at the methadone clinic!!!!
Item #1: This chick had a seizure last week and we had to deal with that. She claimed that her boyfriend had been beating her so we were trying to place her in a local women's shelter, and BAM! she falls out of her chair and goes into a stress induced seizure. We called 911 and kept her from choking or hurting herself. After she recovered and the paramedics were checking her out, she asked us to make her abusive boyfriend, who was still waiting for her in the car, leave. So Eric and I walked out and thugged him. After a few minutes of reassuring the guy that we weren't holding her against her will, etc., he finally left. Excitement.
Item #2: My supervisor, a 350 lb. man who looks like either Fat Bastard from Austin Powers or the Titan of the Wizard of Oz Munchkins and who likes to be called by the nickname Lumpy, was fired today. He was suspended last week for making some harrassing comments a few months ago to one of the nurses about her affair with one of the male counselors. The nurse is or was sleeping with the male counselor. The male counselor is sleeping with a female counselor. So Lumpy asked the nurse a few months ago if she liked the way the female counselor's vagina tasted. (Basically he was saying that when you kiss someone you're kissing everyone...or everything that that person has kissed.) I agree that this is a really crude comment, but you must understand that this type of humor runs rampant at the clinic. The staff, for the most part, is like a huge group of friends and jokes are thrown back and forth. This comment made by Lumpy was a joke and was taken as a joke at the time it was said. However, the nurse got angry with him at some point and decided to try and get him fired. And I think the thing between her and the male counselor fizzled out and she was pissed. So he was suspended and he was demoted to being a simple counselor again. But today he got the dreaded "Box". Well, I liked Lumpy. He was a good supervisor and he will be missed.
I honestly don't know if there's more drama happening in the life of the staff or the patients. :) Sad, isn't it?
I've been nauseous for the past two days...and counting. Yesterday I was actually able to eat and keep down a Biggie Fry from Wendy's and today a Baked Potato. I'm hungry now but I'm honestly afraid to eat because I feel only slightly nauseated right now. Why fuck with it if it's still sort of working?
But I must thank Ben. Since I've been ill I've lost 7 lbs. I'm back down to 190. After I'm well, I'll just have to hit the gym every evening and melt away 30 some more lbs.
Let's see...anything exciting happen at work recently? Of course! There's always excitement at the methadone clinic!!!!
Item #1: This chick had a seizure last week and we had to deal with that. She claimed that her boyfriend had been beating her so we were trying to place her in a local women's shelter, and BAM! she falls out of her chair and goes into a stress induced seizure. We called 911 and kept her from choking or hurting herself. After she recovered and the paramedics were checking her out, she asked us to make her abusive boyfriend, who was still waiting for her in the car, leave. So Eric and I walked out and thugged him. After a few minutes of reassuring the guy that we weren't holding her against her will, etc., he finally left. Excitement.
Item #2: My supervisor, a 350 lb. man who looks like either Fat Bastard from Austin Powers or the Titan of the Wizard of Oz Munchkins and who likes to be called by the nickname Lumpy, was fired today. He was suspended last week for making some harrassing comments a few months ago to one of the nurses about her affair with one of the male counselors. The nurse is or was sleeping with the male counselor. The male counselor is sleeping with a female counselor. So Lumpy asked the nurse a few months ago if she liked the way the female counselor's vagina tasted. (Basically he was saying that when you kiss someone you're kissing everyone...or everything that that person has kissed.) I agree that this is a really crude comment, but you must understand that this type of humor runs rampant at the clinic. The staff, for the most part, is like a huge group of friends and jokes are thrown back and forth. This comment made by Lumpy was a joke and was taken as a joke at the time it was said. However, the nurse got angry with him at some point and decided to try and get him fired. And I think the thing between her and the male counselor fizzled out and she was pissed. So he was suspended and he was demoted to being a simple counselor again. But today he got the dreaded "Box". Well, I liked Lumpy. He was a good supervisor and he will be missed.
I honestly don't know if there's more drama happening in the life of the staff or the patients. :) Sad, isn't it?
Sunday, June 01, 2003
The past two days have been easier. I'm adjusting. And it actually feels like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I get to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I'm going.
I saw Bruce Almighty tonight and it was pretty fucking funny. I don't think I've laughed out loud that much in a movie since American Pie. It gets a little slower and sappy toward the ending...a bit predictable, but nonetheless very entertaining. :)
I was thinking about going to see Wrong Turn...you know, the movie where some teenagers get lost in West Virginia and a bunch of crazed hillbillies attack them. Being born and raised in West Virginia, I can really relate. I mean there isn't a week that goes by that I don't get attacked by a pack of crazed, inbred mountain men.
I saw Bruce Almighty tonight and it was pretty fucking funny. I don't think I've laughed out loud that much in a movie since American Pie. It gets a little slower and sappy toward the ending...a bit predictable, but nonetheless very entertaining. :)
I was thinking about going to see Wrong Turn...you know, the movie where some teenagers get lost in West Virginia and a bunch of crazed hillbillies attack them. Being born and raised in West Virginia, I can really relate. I mean there isn't a week that goes by that I don't get attacked by a pack of crazed, inbred mountain men.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
This living alone stuff is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Ben and I went and worked out at the Nautilus yesterday afternoon. After that we grabbed a healthy Subway dinner and went shopping at Kmart. (I needed knives. Never know when you're going to need a good sharp knife to chop someone...um...er...something up.) (I bought the 14 piece Martha Stewart knife set. When has Martha ever steered me wrong in the past?)
Anyway, after Kmart we said our goodbyes and went on with our individual evenings. I came home and worked at cleaning the living room. And god was I lonely. It's hard to adjust to total silence when you're used to hearing the constant clicking of the computer keyboard. I do miss Ben...but I know that this decision that we made is the best one for both of us. We need to grow as individuals for a while. After we resolve the conflicts within ourselves maybe we can piece back our relationship. Maybe.
Ben and I went and worked out at the Nautilus yesterday afternoon. After that we grabbed a healthy Subway dinner and went shopping at Kmart. (I needed knives. Never know when you're going to need a good sharp knife to chop someone...um...er...something up.) (I bought the 14 piece Martha Stewart knife set. When has Martha ever steered me wrong in the past?)
Anyway, after Kmart we said our goodbyes and went on with our individual evenings. I came home and worked at cleaning the living room. And god was I lonely. It's hard to adjust to total silence when you're used to hearing the constant clicking of the computer keyboard. I do miss Ben...but I know that this decision that we made is the best one for both of us. We need to grow as individuals for a while. After we resolve the conflicts within ourselves maybe we can piece back our relationship. Maybe.
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
I'm not unwell...I'm just fucking crazy.
I hate PMSing. I'm at the stage right now where I'm having violent mood swings. I recognize that it's happening but I have no power to control it. One second I'm laughing and having fun and the next I'm crying and yelling at Ben and the next I'm laughing maniacally. I miss sanity.
The high stress of the events of this weekend most certainly aided in weakening my mental stability. Ben moved his stuff out on Saturday with the help of Shawn and Chris. We all then drove down to HInton and spent the night with Burnsy. Sunday morning we yanked our collective ass out of bed to go whitewater rafting on the Upper and Lower New River. That was exciting and terrifying all at once. More excitement this trip than last and not as cold. But still a little cold. Our guide flipped our raft on purpose on a Class 2 rapid. Ben and Shawn kept trying to fall out of the boat. I guess they didn't like it there.
Ben says we need to go to Taco Bell. Mmmm...Chicken Enchilada Bowl.
I hate PMSing. I'm at the stage right now where I'm having violent mood swings. I recognize that it's happening but I have no power to control it. One second I'm laughing and having fun and the next I'm crying and yelling at Ben and the next I'm laughing maniacally. I miss sanity.
The high stress of the events of this weekend most certainly aided in weakening my mental stability. Ben moved his stuff out on Saturday with the help of Shawn and Chris. We all then drove down to HInton and spent the night with Burnsy. Sunday morning we yanked our collective ass out of bed to go whitewater rafting on the Upper and Lower New River. That was exciting and terrifying all at once. More excitement this trip than last and not as cold. But still a little cold. Our guide flipped our raft on purpose on a Class 2 rapid. Ben and Shawn kept trying to fall out of the boat. I guess they didn't like it there.
Ben says we need to go to Taco Bell. Mmmm...Chicken Enchilada Bowl.
Friday, May 16, 2003
I saw the Matrix Reloaded yesterday with Ben and my coworkers. Overall I enjoyed it. The beginning of the film was mostly special effects with a little bit of plot. The fight scenes with Neo at the start hold no suspense. He pretty much whips 'em silly and fucks 'em stupid. There's a pretty pointless sex scene with Neo and Trinity while all the other people at Zion are attending a sort of tribal rave/dance party. The last 20 minutes of the film actually gets pretty exciting and just when it gets really interesting..."To Be Continued". Now we only have 6 months to wait to figure out what happens.
As many of you know, Ben and I have had a very turbulent relationship. Recently I have been doubting whether or not we should continue and expressed this to him. After many hours of discussion, arguing, agony, crying, and holding one another we've decided to start dating again. We're going to seperate...Ben is going to move out and we're going to try to start over in the relationship. If we are successful at rebuilding the damaged parts, we'll eventually move back in together. If we are unsuccessful, it will be easier to let go and remain friends because we won't be dealing with the pressures of living under the same roof.
Ben, we have been through hell and back. You have been my constant companion and lover. You are my best friend and I never want to lose that. Your touch in my life has helped make me the woman that I am. For the first time in a long time I have hope for us. :) I love you. Thank you for loving me.
Ben, we have been through hell and back. You have been my constant companion and lover. You are my best friend and I never want to lose that. Your touch in my life has helped make me the woman that I am. For the first time in a long time I have hope for us. :) I love you. Thank you for loving me.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Tuesday, May 06, 2003
Saturday, May 03, 2003
I'm three shots of vodka into the drinking and holding. The good news is that my tongue doesn't hurt anymore....the bad news is that the left side of my throat still hurts a bit. I really need to get some rest.
I watched my niece this morning. Everytime I'm with her she wins me over more and more. You've never witnessed anything as beautiful as a growing and unfolding life.
I saw a lady in the theater tody that had gone to watch X-Men alone. She sat in the very upper right hand corner of the theater. As I noticed her I felt a sort of pity for her. There I was surrounded by my friends and she was all alone and I thought, "How sad she must be!" And then I realized that she may very well be content with her situation and it was presumptuous of me to assume that she was miserable. A person alone can be complete and totally happy. A person surrounded by others can feel totally desolate and alone. A smile doesn't indicate happiness and vice versa. Never jump to conclusions. Never assume anything.
I watched my niece this morning. Everytime I'm with her she wins me over more and more. You've never witnessed anything as beautiful as a growing and unfolding life.
I saw a lady in the theater tody that had gone to watch X-Men alone. She sat in the very upper right hand corner of the theater. As I noticed her I felt a sort of pity for her. There I was surrounded by my friends and she was all alone and I thought, "How sad she must be!" And then I realized that she may very well be content with her situation and it was presumptuous of me to assume that she was miserable. A person alone can be complete and totally happy. A person surrounded by others can feel totally desolate and alone. A smile doesn't indicate happiness and vice versa. Never jump to conclusions. Never assume anything.
Ben, Ken, Shawn, Chris (Ken's bro), and I saw the second X-Men movie today. It was pretty fucking groovy. Kinda lost a little momentum there at the end but overall it was a good flick. Magneto was awesome. I'll agree with Ben that Mystique was developed a bit more in this movie and she's a pretty bad ass character. Nightcrawler kicked much ass. And Wolverine is stil as sexy and as aggressive as ever. I was impressed with Jean Gray's character this time and look forward to seeing what becomes of her in the next film. :)
I forgot to mention yesterday the fact that I had strep throat a week ago. I went to the doctor and got 7 days worth of antibiotics and I was doing well...until today. For whatever reason I still have blisters or bumps on the back of my tongue and my throat just started really hurting again today.
So tonight I decided to take shots of vodka. That always helps when you're sick, right? So far I've had three. Ken, Shawn, Ben, and Janice are upstairs drinking and watching Jackass the Movie. I think we're going to play Scrabble later. I'm sure I'll pass out in about a half hour because I got up at 3am to go to work. (when I didn't have to, of course.) So much for my grand plans of going to the club and chilling with my coworkers.
Maybe next life.
I forgot to mention yesterday the fact that I had strep throat a week ago. I went to the doctor and got 7 days worth of antibiotics and I was doing well...until today. For whatever reason I still have blisters or bumps on the back of my tongue and my throat just started really hurting again today.
So tonight I decided to take shots of vodka. That always helps when you're sick, right? So far I've had three. Ken, Shawn, Ben, and Janice are upstairs drinking and watching Jackass the Movie. I think we're going to play Scrabble later. I'm sure I'll pass out in about a half hour because I got up at 3am to go to work. (when I didn't have to, of course.) So much for my grand plans of going to the club and chilling with my coworkers.
Maybe next life.
Friday, May 02, 2003
I've been a little less faithful in my posting lately due to a lack of anything amusing or interesting happening in my life. It's pretty dull these days really. I get up...go to work...come home...eat dinner...clean or do chores and then fall into the oblivion of sleep. Day after day after day.
Sometimes fun things happen at work. Like this last week I had CPR and First Aid training. I am now certified and have the ability to save someone's life if they go unconscious or stop breathing....maybe. I say maybe because it was a rather rushed class and the instructor didn't much seem to care if everyone was doing everything right or not. I was actually interested in learning this stuff so I actually paid attention...but others just slept. And their performance with the dummies showed it. So sad, really.
Anyway, fun things....um....oh yeah. As I walked up to the dummie to take my turn my earring fell out of my ear and into the dummie's open mouth. My instructor said, "We haven't gotten to the choking portion of your training yet!" My he felt very clever after that comment. Good for him.
Whenever anything interesting happens in my personal life it's usually a bad something. Like my mother's recent galbladder attack, or Ben's mother's recent low blood pressure episode, or mine and Ben's recent relationship issues. It happens that our mothers are fine and we're doing okay. Endless excitement.
But I suppose everything that happens in my personal life isn't bad. For instance I met my sister's love interest, Chriss from Boston. Chriss seems like a very intelligent and responsible individual. He's very focused on earning money right now, but that's not a bad thing, I suppose, as long as it doesn't rule his life forever. He said he was trying to make enough money so that he can buy enough real estate and eventually live off of the money he earns from rent. A good plan, I'd say. He took us out to dinner at The Chop House, which is one of the most expensive restaurants in the city, and that was fun. I understand that he currently makes about $120,000 per year at the young age of 26 working as an engineer for the US Navy. I didn't feel too bad about letting him pay for my meal. He treated my sister with affection and respect and that's more important to me than his bank roll. I want her not only to be financially secure but also to be happy. And she is happy with him. He makes her glow...and I like that. :)
My sis drove in in her new C230 Mercedes Benz Kompressor and I got to drive it. It was awesome! It memorizes your driving patterns and learns to apply extra pressure to the breaks when you need it and it corrects itself if you swerve suddenly. There's no way she should be able to wreck that car. And if she does it has 8 air bags so I think she'll survive. The stereo system had like 8 Bose speakers and a 5 disc CD changer. The computer stores all sorts of neat and useful statistics about your driving and your car's performance. Really groovy stuff. :) I learned that a Mercedes Benz may be a very expensive car, but there's a reason for that. :)
Other good stuff...my friends are in this weekend and we're going to see the second X-Men movie! Wooohooo! I'm also going to see if they're up for going to Atlantis Night club tomorrow night. Some of my boyz from work are going to be there and I wouldn't mind hanging with them for a bit...and I wouldn't mind grooving on the dance floor. It's been far too fucking long since I've danced.
I plan on describing all the fun of this weekend in detail. Until then let these words be your mantra:
I've got no strings to hold me down
To make me fret or make me frown
I had strings but now I'm free
There are no strings on me
from the Disney Movie Pinocchio
Sometimes fun things happen at work. Like this last week I had CPR and First Aid training. I am now certified and have the ability to save someone's life if they go unconscious or stop breathing....maybe. I say maybe because it was a rather rushed class and the instructor didn't much seem to care if everyone was doing everything right or not. I was actually interested in learning this stuff so I actually paid attention...but others just slept. And their performance with the dummies showed it. So sad, really.
Anyway, fun things....um....oh yeah. As I walked up to the dummie to take my turn my earring fell out of my ear and into the dummie's open mouth. My instructor said, "We haven't gotten to the choking portion of your training yet!" My he felt very clever after that comment. Good for him.
Whenever anything interesting happens in my personal life it's usually a bad something. Like my mother's recent galbladder attack, or Ben's mother's recent low blood pressure episode, or mine and Ben's recent relationship issues. It happens that our mothers are fine and we're doing okay. Endless excitement.
But I suppose everything that happens in my personal life isn't bad. For instance I met my sister's love interest, Chriss from Boston. Chriss seems like a very intelligent and responsible individual. He's very focused on earning money right now, but that's not a bad thing, I suppose, as long as it doesn't rule his life forever. He said he was trying to make enough money so that he can buy enough real estate and eventually live off of the money he earns from rent. A good plan, I'd say. He took us out to dinner at The Chop House, which is one of the most expensive restaurants in the city, and that was fun. I understand that he currently makes about $120,000 per year at the young age of 26 working as an engineer for the US Navy. I didn't feel too bad about letting him pay for my meal. He treated my sister with affection and respect and that's more important to me than his bank roll. I want her not only to be financially secure but also to be happy. And she is happy with him. He makes her glow...and I like that. :)
My sis drove in in her new C230 Mercedes Benz Kompressor and I got to drive it. It was awesome! It memorizes your driving patterns and learns to apply extra pressure to the breaks when you need it and it corrects itself if you swerve suddenly. There's no way she should be able to wreck that car. And if she does it has 8 air bags so I think she'll survive. The stereo system had like 8 Bose speakers and a 5 disc CD changer. The computer stores all sorts of neat and useful statistics about your driving and your car's performance. Really groovy stuff. :) I learned that a Mercedes Benz may be a very expensive car, but there's a reason for that. :)
Other good stuff...my friends are in this weekend and we're going to see the second X-Men movie! Wooohooo! I'm also going to see if they're up for going to Atlantis Night club tomorrow night. Some of my boyz from work are going to be there and I wouldn't mind hanging with them for a bit...and I wouldn't mind grooving on the dance floor. It's been far too fucking long since I've danced.
I plan on describing all the fun of this weekend in detail. Until then let these words be your mantra:
I've got no strings to hold me down
To make me fret or make me frown
I had strings but now I'm free
There are no strings on me
from the Disney Movie Pinocchio
Friday, April 18, 2003
I worked at the clinic in Beckley a couple of weeks ago, which only has female counselors. I did not belong. And I did not belong because there is no cursing at the Beckley clinic.
I was in the chart room in the morning and I dropped a chart that I was holding and softly said, "Shit!" and I was met with wide eyes and gasping. I thought to myself, "Oh fuck." So I spent the rest of the day not cursing and growing more and more irritable. At the end of the day I got in my car and let out a string of non-sensical obscenities. God, did that ever feel good. :)
I learned a valuable lesson that day: Cursing has a place in my life. A few months ago I was trying to cut back on the nasty words because I thought that it wasn't very attractive for a woman to have a mouth worse than that of any typical trucker. But, hell, who am I trying to attract? Fuck it, I say. Fuck it right in it's ear.
I was in the chart room in the morning and I dropped a chart that I was holding and softly said, "Shit!" and I was met with wide eyes and gasping. I thought to myself, "Oh fuck." So I spent the rest of the day not cursing and growing more and more irritable. At the end of the day I got in my car and let out a string of non-sensical obscenities. God, did that ever feel good. :)
I learned a valuable lesson that day: Cursing has a place in my life. A few months ago I was trying to cut back on the nasty words because I thought that it wasn't very attractive for a woman to have a mouth worse than that of any typical trucker. But, hell, who am I trying to attract? Fuck it, I say. Fuck it right in it's ear.
I had an hour session today with one of my patients. He's usually very quiet but always seemed sort of aggravated underneath his pleasant demeanor. At first I thought that he was simply uncomfortable with me, but then decided that it had to run deeper than that. So today I asked him why he seemed faintly irritated under the surface all of the time. We started exploring this supressed anger and found that it led back to himself, of course, and surprisingly enough, to his wife. The patient shared things with me today that he had never before verbalized or shared with anyone else. It was a very successful session and well worth that hour of my time. As he was leaving he turned back and he thanked me. The look of appreciation in his eyes was very rewarding. Anyway...I think I'm getting better at my job.
Every day I'm learning more and more from my job and my patients. What I'm realizing now is that people often look outside themselves for something to make them happy. My patients tried to find happiness though drugs. Some people use work, sex, relationships, food, alcohol, video games, movies, etc. But happiness can't be through any outside source. I realize that I can only find happiness in and from myself. No one and nothing else can do that for me. I must make peace with myself, learn to love myself, and learn to live in the moment and enjoy now as it's happening to me. External things such as relationships, food, sex, etc. can compliment my happiness and add pleasure to my existence, but they cannot bring me happiness.
Every day I'm learning more and more from my job and my patients. What I'm realizing now is that people often look outside themselves for something to make them happy. My patients tried to find happiness though drugs. Some people use work, sex, relationships, food, alcohol, video games, movies, etc. But happiness can't be through any outside source. I realize that I can only find happiness in and from myself. No one and nothing else can do that for me. I must make peace with myself, learn to love myself, and learn to live in the moment and enjoy now as it's happening to me. External things such as relationships, food, sex, etc. can compliment my happiness and add pleasure to my existence, but they cannot bring me happiness.
Monday, April 07, 2003
I've had a very restful weekend. Spent the whole time at my folk's home in Eccles alternating periods of sleeping, eating, and reading The Sound and The Fury by William Faulkner. Great book! Beautiful imagery and I love the stream of consciousness writing and the way he plays with words!
We watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. The first half was fairly interesting...the second half sucked shit.
I just watched Amelie with Ben. A fantastic and whimsical movie! I'll own this one. :)
And how is Christina at this moment, while she's waiting for the laundry to dry so that she can go to bed?
Maintenant...je suis contente. (Right now, I am content.)
We watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. The first half was fairly interesting...the second half sucked shit.
I just watched Amelie with Ben. A fantastic and whimsical movie! I'll own this one. :)
And how is Christina at this moment, while she's waiting for the laundry to dry so that she can go to bed?
Maintenant...je suis contente. (Right now, I am content.)
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
Dose she love me? Dose she love me not?
Whenever a patient is absent for more than three consecutive days, it's policy to call and see why they've been absent and if they intend to return to treatment. Today I decided to do my weekly callling of absent patients. Now one of my patients, who I will refer to hereafter as Bob, has been absent for 7 days and I couldn't get hold of him when I tried to call last week, so I dialed his number again today. Here's a summary of that conversation:
Ring, ring
B: Hello?
C: Hi, Bob? It's Chris Garris.
B: I'll be damned! Chris.
C: I'm just calling to check up on you. Why haven't you been to the clinic?
B: Do you want to know the truth, Chris?
C: Yes, please.
B: I faked my admission into the clinic. I am not and never have been addicted to Oxycontin. I bought a couple and took them the day before I came to the clinic just so
they would show up in my system. I'm an alcoholic. I just wanted to see if methadone would give me a cheap buzz. It didn't so I decided to quit before I got addicted to
it.
C: Well...I don't quite know what to say. You're a very convincing liar. And while I'm glad that you're not addicted to Oxycontin, I'm shocked and disappointed that you
would do such a thing.
B: Chris?
C: Yes?
B: You know, you didn't call because it's policy or procedure.
C: I didn't?
B: No. You called because you're in love with me. And you just don't know it yet.
C: Um...Bob...I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea. First of all, the patient/counselor relationship boundaries disallow any type of outside relationship between a patient at
this clinic and a counselor. Even simple friendship. Secondly, I'm in a long term relationship. And, sorry, I'm not in love with you.
B: Well, that's because you haven't gotten a chance to really know me as a person. Just give me one date. Meet me at Chilli's tomorrow and we'll hit the bar and talk.
C: No. I'm very flattered, but no.
B: Come on. Just one date. Just meet me at Chilli's tomorrow after you get off of work.
C: I'm sorry, Bob, no.
B: Can I call you tomorrow at work?
C: You can call me, but I'll only be able to talk to you if you wish to discuss your treatment.
B: Then I'll call you tomorrow and the next day and the next day until you decide to talk to me about us.
C: This conversation is inappropriate and I'm ending it now.
Click
So...I think I might get stalked or something within the next couple of weeks. Exciting, eh? I reported this to my supervisor and to the program director and documented it in the patient's chart. They said that if he returns to treatment, they'll transfer him to another counselor. Probably Terrance, our big, tough, black dude. :)
While this whole situation is somewhat funny it is also a little frightening. Bob was a wee bit too insistant and a wee bit too intense for my liking. I found that I was apprehensive every time there was a phone call for me for the rest of the day. Oh well, I'll just shake it off, watch my back, and trust my male counselors to protect me.
Whenever a patient is absent for more than three consecutive days, it's policy to call and see why they've been absent and if they intend to return to treatment. Today I decided to do my weekly callling of absent patients. Now one of my patients, who I will refer to hereafter as Bob, has been absent for 7 days and I couldn't get hold of him when I tried to call last week, so I dialed his number again today. Here's a summary of that conversation:
Ring, ring
B: Hello?
C: Hi, Bob? It's Chris Garris.
B: I'll be damned! Chris.
C: I'm just calling to check up on you. Why haven't you been to the clinic?
B: Do you want to know the truth, Chris?
C: Yes, please.
B: I faked my admission into the clinic. I am not and never have been addicted to Oxycontin. I bought a couple and took them the day before I came to the clinic just so
they would show up in my system. I'm an alcoholic. I just wanted to see if methadone would give me a cheap buzz. It didn't so I decided to quit before I got addicted to
it.
C: Well...I don't quite know what to say. You're a very convincing liar. And while I'm glad that you're not addicted to Oxycontin, I'm shocked and disappointed that you
would do such a thing.
B: Chris?
C: Yes?
B: You know, you didn't call because it's policy or procedure.
C: I didn't?
B: No. You called because you're in love with me. And you just don't know it yet.
C: Um...Bob...I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea. First of all, the patient/counselor relationship boundaries disallow any type of outside relationship between a patient at
this clinic and a counselor. Even simple friendship. Secondly, I'm in a long term relationship. And, sorry, I'm not in love with you.
B: Well, that's because you haven't gotten a chance to really know me as a person. Just give me one date. Meet me at Chilli's tomorrow and we'll hit the bar and talk.
C: No. I'm very flattered, but no.
B: Come on. Just one date. Just meet me at Chilli's tomorrow after you get off of work.
C: I'm sorry, Bob, no.
B: Can I call you tomorrow at work?
C: You can call me, but I'll only be able to talk to you if you wish to discuss your treatment.
B: Then I'll call you tomorrow and the next day and the next day until you decide to talk to me about us.
C: This conversation is inappropriate and I'm ending it now.
Click
So...I think I might get stalked or something within the next couple of weeks. Exciting, eh? I reported this to my supervisor and to the program director and documented it in the patient's chart. They said that if he returns to treatment, they'll transfer him to another counselor. Probably Terrance, our big, tough, black dude. :)
While this whole situation is somewhat funny it is also a little frightening. Bob was a wee bit too insistant and a wee bit too intense for my liking. I found that I was apprehensive every time there was a phone call for me for the rest of the day. Oh well, I'll just shake it off, watch my back, and trust my male counselors to protect me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)