Well...last night I did it. I finally did it. My D&D cherry has finally been completely ripped away! After years of listening to D&D adventures I was determined to participate and not to disappoint my friends or my boyfriend again. And I succeeded and had a blast!:)
For years they've been after me to play and I have attempted it a few times unsuccessfully. I was so intimidated in the past... not knowing the rules and not really knowing these people well enough to open myself up enough to role-play a character. I just felt too vulnerable. They continued to ask me to play...and the few times that I said yes I either ended up backing down or dropping out of the adventures, to their great disappointment. They wanted me to join them...to have fun...but I just couldn't do it. (I understand the disappointment. It’s kind of like when I want them to like Tori Amos but they just end up making fun of her. :))
When I told them that I was going to play last night...well...let's just say they didn't get their hopes up. During character creation the air was tense. Everyone seemed on edge, expecting disappointment or disruption. At first I couldn’t understand the shift in the mood and it almost discouraged me yet again from following through with an adventure. However, they went to dinner and I had a little time to think it over and decided that it was simply apprehension. I fought my fears and braved my discomfort and conquered the foul beasts!
Now I know that there are those that automatically connect the mention of D&D with the idea of the geek. There are those that might assume that my friends and I are geeks. Well, I suppose you're right. But there's nothing wrong with that, damn it! Everyone has a certain degree of geekiness, but not all choose to openly express it. To hide a portion of your personality is to lie to yourself and to others. To deny ones self is one of the greatest trespasses one can perform against ones self. So I embrace the elements of geekiness that are present within my character. I am what I am and I love the personality that is mine. And what’s so wonderful about all of my friends is that they too are secure with being branded as geeks. Some of them downright strive to be unusual.
Anyway, it’s all about having fun baby! Experience. Live, live, live, until you die!
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness and still keeps their purpose in mind;
I want somebody who has a tortured soul...some of the time;
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery;
Or maybe just put it all to words and make me say, "You know, I never heard it put that way".
Make me say, "What did you just say?"
~Ani Difranco "Asking Too Much"
Sunday, March 10, 2002
Monday, March 04, 2002
I thought I would pass through this winter unscathed, but I was wrong.
The flu bug has bitten me and I feel like some menacing little pixie has stuffed my head with cotton and raked my throat with a steel brush. My 8-month-old niece, Megan, caught a virus and I decided I should catch it too. Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I called in sick to work today.
As I sit here in misery I find myself wishing that I had someone to take care of me.
I remember being sick as a child and having my mother there to make me chicken noodle soup, to take my temperature, or to gently stroke my forehead and whisper soothing words of comfort. When Mom told me I’d be okay, I believed her. She’d give me some medicine and I’d fall into that land between waking and dreaming. I would resurface to the sounds of noise in the kitchen or I’d hear the sounds of Mom’s soap operas coming from the living room. And always the ever present rumble from the furnace. I’d crawl out of bed to sit near the heating vent and I’d let the warm air wash over me. It was warm…safe…comforting. The feeling of home and being take care of.
But I don’t live at home anymore. I live in an apartment with my boyfriend.
Today I woke and the apartment was quiet and cold. I forgot to turn the heaters up last night. So I got up, taking my blanket with me, and stumbled into the computer room. I sat down in the floor in front of the little space heater and turned it as high as it would go.
There I sat, shivering in the quiet alone, letting the warm air wash over me. Eventually the shivers subsided and I stretched out and thought of home.
I spent my entire childhood dreaming of being an adult. And here I am…a woman…living on my own…and I'm wishing for my childhood and home.
The flu bug has bitten me and I feel like some menacing little pixie has stuffed my head with cotton and raked my throat with a steel brush. My 8-month-old niece, Megan, caught a virus and I decided I should catch it too. Seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I called in sick to work today.
As I sit here in misery I find myself wishing that I had someone to take care of me.
I remember being sick as a child and having my mother there to make me chicken noodle soup, to take my temperature, or to gently stroke my forehead and whisper soothing words of comfort. When Mom told me I’d be okay, I believed her. She’d give me some medicine and I’d fall into that land between waking and dreaming. I would resurface to the sounds of noise in the kitchen or I’d hear the sounds of Mom’s soap operas coming from the living room. And always the ever present rumble from the furnace. I’d crawl out of bed to sit near the heating vent and I’d let the warm air wash over me. It was warm…safe…comforting. The feeling of home and being take care of.
But I don’t live at home anymore. I live in an apartment with my boyfriend.
Today I woke and the apartment was quiet and cold. I forgot to turn the heaters up last night. So I got up, taking my blanket with me, and stumbled into the computer room. I sat down in the floor in front of the little space heater and turned it as high as it would go.
There I sat, shivering in the quiet alone, letting the warm air wash over me. Eventually the shivers subsided and I stretched out and thought of home.
I spent my entire childhood dreaming of being an adult. And here I am…a woman…living on my own…and I'm wishing for my childhood and home.
Saturday, March 02, 2002
More thoughts on communication:
The act of communication can occur between you and yourself and between you and another person.
First let’s look at internal communication. This occurs through thought and perhaps even by an individual speaking out loud to him/herself. Internal communication is constantly happening. All of us, hopefully, think before we speak. So before we engage in discourse with others we begin an internal discourse with ourselves. When we process any sort of information there is an internal conversation happening.
Next we have communication with another person. We actually talk with another. But it doesn’t necessarily have to involve speech. We may write our thoughts down and send them to the other individual as in email. This applies not only to text sent to one specific individual but text in general. Books, poetry, posters, signs, all of these are communication. When we read these we are engaged in the act of communication with the author, the he or she may never know of our communicating. Likewise, when we write something and someone else reads it, we are communicating with our faceless readers. Keep in mind that when we communicate with others we are also engaging in communication with ourselves, since the processing of any sort of information evokes an internal conversation. We are involved in information processing every moment that we are conscious (and perhaps during those that we’re not) and therefore, it can be said that communication is something in which we are continually engaged.
Since communication is constantly occurring, I view it as the most important thing in our lives. What would our lives be like without communication? Would society even be possible? Would survival even be possible? Probably not.
In the current society in which we live, the most important types of communication that occurs is that which occurs between you and yourself, you and your family, and you and your friends. Meaningful communication is what life is all about. I think that these three types of communication just mentioned qualify as the most meaningful.
Why are they the most meaningful? Because they tend to provide the most satisfaction…the most happiness. I think that everyone will agree with me when I say that happiness is the usual aim of every living individual.
But communicating is more than a way to attain pleasure. It is a way of passing a part of you on to another person, a way of prolonging our thoughts, and thereby gaining some small measure of immortality. This is especially true of written communication since it is easier to preserve in its true form than verbal communication.
When we converse with someone, we pass on an idea, a thought, some small portion of ourselves. The other person takes this and may internalize it. Our friends and family members tend to internalize the things we say because they love us and are accepting of us. So through communication with our friends and family members we prolong the life of our thoughts. If we die before that individual does, part of us still lives on in them in the form of our ideas, our communications to them. If we communicate through a written medium, those thoughts and communications are preserved more easily and perhaps for a longer time. Perhaps even beyond the life of the person to whom we originally communicated the thought.
Communication is so important to me because it is a way of passing myself on. Of seeking prolonged life and possibly immortality.
The act of communication can occur between you and yourself and between you and another person.
First let’s look at internal communication. This occurs through thought and perhaps even by an individual speaking out loud to him/herself. Internal communication is constantly happening. All of us, hopefully, think before we speak. So before we engage in discourse with others we begin an internal discourse with ourselves. When we process any sort of information there is an internal conversation happening.
Next we have communication with another person. We actually talk with another. But it doesn’t necessarily have to involve speech. We may write our thoughts down and send them to the other individual as in email. This applies not only to text sent to one specific individual but text in general. Books, poetry, posters, signs, all of these are communication. When we read these we are engaged in the act of communication with the author, the he or she may never know of our communicating. Likewise, when we write something and someone else reads it, we are communicating with our faceless readers. Keep in mind that when we communicate with others we are also engaging in communication with ourselves, since the processing of any sort of information evokes an internal conversation. We are involved in information processing every moment that we are conscious (and perhaps during those that we’re not) and therefore, it can be said that communication is something in which we are continually engaged.
Since communication is constantly occurring, I view it as the most important thing in our lives. What would our lives be like without communication? Would society even be possible? Would survival even be possible? Probably not.
In the current society in which we live, the most important types of communication that occurs is that which occurs between you and yourself, you and your family, and you and your friends. Meaningful communication is what life is all about. I think that these three types of communication just mentioned qualify as the most meaningful.
Why are they the most meaningful? Because they tend to provide the most satisfaction…the most happiness. I think that everyone will agree with me when I say that happiness is the usual aim of every living individual.
But communicating is more than a way to attain pleasure. It is a way of passing a part of you on to another person, a way of prolonging our thoughts, and thereby gaining some small measure of immortality. This is especially true of written communication since it is easier to preserve in its true form than verbal communication.
When we converse with someone, we pass on an idea, a thought, some small portion of ourselves. The other person takes this and may internalize it. Our friends and family members tend to internalize the things we say because they love us and are accepting of us. So through communication with our friends and family members we prolong the life of our thoughts. If we die before that individual does, part of us still lives on in them in the form of our ideas, our communications to them. If we communicate through a written medium, those thoughts and communications are preserved more easily and perhaps for a longer time. Perhaps even beyond the life of the person to whom we originally communicated the thought.
Communication is so important to me because it is a way of passing myself on. Of seeking prolonged life and possibly immortality.
Communication is imperfect. We can never attain pure/true communication with another.
The reason is that our medium for communication is written and spoken language…this is a medium that is open to interpretation and misunderstanding. Our understandings of the things that others are trying to transmit to us are completely dependent upon our perceptions. Our perceptions are created through our life experiences and the knowledge that we gain. Since no two individuals have exactly the same life experiences…no two individuals will have the same perceptions of the world…. therefore no two individuals can ever achieve perfect communication.
Sad, but true.
Also language is dynamic…ever changing…another reason why it is impossible for perfect communication. If language did not change, perhaps we would have a better chance….
A friend pointed out to me that we might not need perfect communication.
Interesting thought.
So perhaps we only need to perceive that we have attained perfect communication? If I desire perfect communication…and I believe that I achieve this with someone (even if in “reality”, I do not)…. my desire is filled and I am happy…. is this truly all we need?
And would perfect communication get boring? There would be no ambiguity. No guesswork. What would love be like if you had perfect communication? There would be no excitement, no secret unfolding of the other person.
The thing that makes communication so beautiful and desirable is the rarity of its occurrence…or the rarity of our perception of its achievement.
Delight lies in the struggle involved in communicating ideas…
Since there is no single perfect way to transmit an idea, humankind has created a plethora. All of the arts and sciences aim at achieving communication. In fact, it can be said that all of the great works of art and innovations of science are created in an effort to communicate. If not for the difficulty of communication, we would not have such a wide array of beauty available to us.
So, communication is imperfect (perfect communication is impossible) due to the dynamic nature of language and the differences of perception in individuals. We don’t truly need perfect communication, because the beauty and the challenge in life lie in the struggle to communicate with another person. In fact, the beauty and the greatness of our society has been wrought by humankind’s attempt to communicate with one another.
The reason is that our medium for communication is written and spoken language…this is a medium that is open to interpretation and misunderstanding. Our understandings of the things that others are trying to transmit to us are completely dependent upon our perceptions. Our perceptions are created through our life experiences and the knowledge that we gain. Since no two individuals have exactly the same life experiences…no two individuals will have the same perceptions of the world…. therefore no two individuals can ever achieve perfect communication.
Sad, but true.
Also language is dynamic…ever changing…another reason why it is impossible for perfect communication. If language did not change, perhaps we would have a better chance….
A friend pointed out to me that we might not need perfect communication.
Interesting thought.
So perhaps we only need to perceive that we have attained perfect communication? If I desire perfect communication…and I believe that I achieve this with someone (even if in “reality”, I do not)…. my desire is filled and I am happy…. is this truly all we need?
And would perfect communication get boring? There would be no ambiguity. No guesswork. What would love be like if you had perfect communication? There would be no excitement, no secret unfolding of the other person.
The thing that makes communication so beautiful and desirable is the rarity of its occurrence…or the rarity of our perception of its achievement.
Delight lies in the struggle involved in communicating ideas…
Since there is no single perfect way to transmit an idea, humankind has created a plethora. All of the arts and sciences aim at achieving communication. In fact, it can be said that all of the great works of art and innovations of science are created in an effort to communicate. If not for the difficulty of communication, we would not have such a wide array of beauty available to us.
So, communication is imperfect (perfect communication is impossible) due to the dynamic nature of language and the differences of perception in individuals. We don’t truly need perfect communication, because the beauty and the challenge in life lie in the struggle to communicate with another person. In fact, the beauty and the greatness of our society has been wrought by humankind’s attempt to communicate with one another.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)