Lifestyles of the Poor and Famous

I don't know if my regulars noticed or not, but there is a new addition to my website. Look to your right...see that counter thingie? Yup...that one. That's new. I added it because it seems that I'm suddenly, and likely, temporarily famous.

According to a chica that my sis used to work with, Steve has been discussing the phenomenon of online journals on his radio show due to his anger at me! :) She said she thinks he actually gave out my web address! :)

I find this whole situation terribly amusing. So I really haven't been writing simply for myself for these three years! Nope. Now it seems that Mr. Steve has turned my web log into entertainment for the greater Charleston area! :) Fabulous! I already knew that I had a small readership in Seattle...a few hundred more from Charleston certainly won't hurt. Perhaps someone will find some nugget of truth here...or at least an amusing story or two. :)

I do regret the way in which this all transpired, however. I don't like saying goodbye to people, really. I don't like the end of things. It's truly unfortunate that Steve simply couldn't ask instead of demand and compromise instead of ending our friendship.

*sigh* Poor Stevie...but it's his choice. We could still patch it up a bit...but it's in his hands now. I do feel a bit bad about bitching him out on here. But I was angry and needed to vent. But that's no excuse.

Oh well, what am I worried about? He'll probably never read it. He never read it while we were dating...why should he bother now?

Tonight, where ever you are, whatever you're doing, raise your glass to Steven Perry. May he find whatever it is that he's looking for. And may you all find whatever it is you're looking for.

Immortal Fish
I just watched BIG FISH and I can’t stop crying. The whole thing with the son not knowing his father as well as he would’ve liked and his father dying in the hospital…well that just hit way too close to what I went through with Ben and Dallas.

Often we barely know those that are supposed to be so close to us. Why is that? Why do we allow that to happen?

Maybe it’s because we are so short sighted. We can’t see beyond tomorrow and convenience. And we’re so busy with “living” that we forget that living is more than simply breathing and walking around looking busy! Living is communicating! Living is loving! And we fail to do that so often.

We have to listen, to pay attention to the ones that we love so that we make sure we get their story while they’re still here to tell it! So we don’t miss anything. I’ll try to remember that. I’m sadly sure that I’ll forget it when life gets so damned busy that I can’t slow down and appreciate it.

God! It’s so frustrating!

Our lives are spent so quickly and all we are left with of those moments that slip by are our memories and the stories that we can create out of those memories. Most of us don’t think of ourselves as storytellers…but we are. We each are storytellers, daily weaving the story of our lives, in our minds, if not anywhere else. And we share excerpts, chapters, sometimes only paragraphs, of our experiences with other people in every day interaction.

Our stories give our lives meaning. They give a sense of coherence to the otherwise chaotic and random process of living. Without those stories, we might as well never have existed.

A lot of people have told me that I’m crazy to want to keep an online journal. But they don’t understand. This is my way of reflecting on my thoughts and attempting to better understand myself. It’s a way for me to record my image of me here and now…so that not I or anyone else will forget me as I am now.

I’m writing my story. I’m making myself immortal.

I recently rediscovered a song that I adored about 4 years ago by a Seattle based artist named Marit Peters. It's a rich, bluesy, very tortured song...I love it!!! I wanted to share the lyrics with you guys...

Angels Hovering

in this godless time
i hold you up to my angels
every one of them pales at your feet

our bridge is waterlogged
time does nothing but continue to rain

and just because i'm on my knees
that does not mean that i believe
i'm only doing everything
that everyone expects of me

i guess it could be that angels hover over me
but i prefer the view from under you
i'm too smart to make a deity of you but
i have settled for a morsel word

Nothing kills me
i can live through anything that you can dish
so why not one more dagger, darling
Don't I look like I can take it?

i have a nasty habit of waiting for a moment
like your latest news
when you lay her down to sleep
i beg my God my soul to keep from
my own noose

well nothing kills me i can live
through anything i've angels hovering
yeah nothing kills me i can live
through anything i've angels hovering

A Hole
Well the tooth...or the hole that pulling the tooth left behind healed within a week or so. I successfully avoided getting a dry socket and I didn't have to take even one of the painkillers that Dr. Beaver gave me! :)

Yeah...my dentist’s name is Dr. Beaver, David Beaver. I told him he should be an OB-GYN, but he didn't think that a change of careers was in order simply due to his name. Plus, beaver and teeth...it sort of goes together as well.

A Friend Rediscovered
In other news, Nikki (my best friend from high school) and I got in touch again a couple of weeks ago which has made me very happy. I gave up trying to contact her a few years ago. I figured she had her own life and didn't want me around because she never called me back! It turns out that she was in a relationship w/ this abusive, controlling guy. So she was off the radar for a while but now she's back and I'm terribly pleased.

The Unfortunate Demise of a Friendship
Steve is pissed at me. He called here a little more than a week ago upset. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that a couple of listeners and a friend of his found my blog and read stuff I had written about him when we were dating. The unfortunate thing is that these people proceeded to tease him about it.

He then told me that he didn't want anything about his personal life out there for people to read and said, "You're gonna have to take down what you've written about me. I can't have my personal stuff out there for people to read. You can just remove it from there and put it in a private file on your computer somewhere." He was very demanding and I was automatically angered. I asked him if he had read it himself to which he replied that he had not.

I told him that, first of all, he should never attempt to tell me what to do. I angrily explained that the details written in my journal were the details of MY life, MY information as well, and that I most certainly have a right to write whatever the fuck I want to about my life. I stated that there is nothing slanderous written about him within the "pages" of this online journal. I then pointed out that I informed him of my website when we first met and the danger that he might be mentioned in it. I gave him the web address and urged him to check it often. However, he never fucking bothered! And now he comes to me upset that I wrote about him months ago!

I told him that he needed to read the journal and then we would sit down and come to a compromise about what should be altered to protect his identity, but that I was not deleting anything totally simply for his sake. I apologized that he was a character in my story, but stated that in the end it’s MY story about MY life…he just happened to be part of my life for a while.

Yeah…he didn’t like that too well. The bastard hung up on me. The fucking gall that this guy has! I mean, I just recently helped him move!!! No one else was there! None of his “good party buddies” or the guys in the local bands were there to help. Nope. Not even his roommate came to help. But I was there!

I’m not sure if he realizes it or not but I’ve always been available to him when he needed something. I’ve been a compassionate and supportive listener when he needed to bitch about his job or his life in general, a body when he needed to move, and a friend who had no expectations of him and who never required him to be anything other than himself. I’ve been a better friend to him than he ever was to me. And this is how it ends.

Well, Stevie…all you had to do was read the fucking website and discuss it. I would’ve gladly altered it and compromised with you. Instead, this is what you chose. Go get ‘em you cock-eyed jackal you!