People Love Asses
Back in February of 2002, I created this blog, my online personal journal. I needed a name for my newly birthed project on that cold February day long ago and so I referred to my refridgerator magnet poetry for inspiration.
There were two lines of poetry that were very special to me. Two lines that my good friend Shawn had strung together when I lived in a 6th Avenue apartment in Huntington, WV. And when I moved to lovely Saint Albans after completing college, I moved those two lines of poetry in tact. And those two lines were:
"Never manipulate my black lust god!!!" & "Skin my thousand asses!!!"
Because I wanted to honor my friend Shawn, and because I needed a title that would fit with the vision of what I wanted my journal to be, I chose the latter of those two beautiful lines of poetic verse.
You know, when I first named this website I didn't give any thought to the fact that having the word "ass" or "asses" in my title would determine what sort of people would randomly find me. It never crossed my mind that I would be inviting perverts and horny males of all ages to browse through the digital pages of my history. But today, as I browsed through the statistics and information complied for my by StatCounter.com, the harsh reality hit me.
As I read I found that several individuals had searched for pornography or nude photos and, most likely much to their disappointment, had found my site instead. Someone from Mountain View, CA had searched for "Big old asses" at 1:24 AM. Someone from Flint, MI wanted to see some "thick black asses" today at 12:45 AM. An internet user from Paragould City Light & Water in Little Rock, AR searched for "pregnant porn". A horny individual with high standards from Denver, CO wanted to see "perfect asses" & a qwirky cuss with his wang dangling from Lewiston, ID wanted "apple bottom asses". My personal favorite, however, came from the little town of Magnolia, AR. This individual wanted a down home country girl as he/she was searching for pictures of "cornbread fed asses"!
Initially, I was a bit perturbed by the fact that I have pervs and porn-a-holics reading my personal info. Then I felt relief as I noticed that most of them only stayed on the site a matter of seconds before clicking off so that they could get off. And then I felt somewhat pleased that the title of my site was interesting enough to attract their attention for even a second! Shawn, I owe you so much! If it weren't for your clever words, I might never have been touched by so many dirty minded people! Thank you!!! Thank you!!!!!!
And now in the style of Wank I ponder, "What have I learned today?"
Well, I've learned that people love asses! So much that they search for pictures of all shapes, sizes, and colors of them on the Internet daily! Here's to all you ass lovers out there!
I want somebody who sees the pointlessness and still keeps their purpose in mind;
I want somebody who has a tortured soul...some of the time;
I want somebody who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery;
Or maybe just put it all to words and make me say, "You know, I never heard it put that way".
Make me say, "What did you just say?"
~Ani Difranco "Asking Too Much"
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Nyquil? Tylenol Cold? Cipro? God? Something please help me!!!!
I'm tired of being sick!!! I hacked and coughed for most of the night, and didn't rest well until later in the morning. I was supposed to get up early and do the Christmas shopping for one of my residents at work. But becaue of my poor night's rest, I didn't get up early enough to go to the mall. So I called my supervisor and she was like, "Oh, I was hoping all of that would be done tonight." And I had to defend myself, "Well, I intended to have it done, but I didn't plan on being up most of the night coughing and choking on my mucus."
I've been sick for a little over a week and I've gone to work every damn day. I had to work this weekend, so I've had no real rest. And tomorrow, on my day off, they're having the Christmas party for the girls at work and it would be frowned upon if I don't show up.
I feel like shit. I don't want to go to work today. I know I have to go in on my "day off" tomorrow. I'm feeling terribly untherapeutic at the moment.
I'm tired of being sick!!! I hacked and coughed for most of the night, and didn't rest well until later in the morning. I was supposed to get up early and do the Christmas shopping for one of my residents at work. But becaue of my poor night's rest, I didn't get up early enough to go to the mall. So I called my supervisor and she was like, "Oh, I was hoping all of that would be done tonight." And I had to defend myself, "Well, I intended to have it done, but I didn't plan on being up most of the night coughing and choking on my mucus."
I've been sick for a little over a week and I've gone to work every damn day. I had to work this weekend, so I've had no real rest. And tomorrow, on my day off, they're having the Christmas party for the girls at work and it would be frowned upon if I don't show up.
I feel like shit. I don't want to go to work today. I know I have to go in on my "day off" tomorrow. I'm feeling terribly untherapeutic at the moment.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Winter isn't coming! It already came! Right on the winshield of my car!!
People in Baltimore DO NOT know how to drive in ice and snow!
Several stupid Baltimorians driving in front of me on my way home tonight seemed perturbed when they tried to go up an incline and found it somewhat icy. So instead of slowing down, kicking their car into low gear, and proceeding up the hill they turn around in the middle of the fucking road, nearly causing several accidents, and drove back down the icy hill! Does this make the slightest bit of sense to anyone out there? IDIOTS!
And you would've thought a blizzard had hit tonight from Rose's report of the activity down at the local Superfresh (grocery store). Lines 10 people long at every register, including the self-check out lanes.
Oh boy. Now this should be an interesting winter.
Light My Fire, damn it!!!
I coaxed Crescent & Rose into joining me to go see a band on Saturday. As were about to be whisked away by Rosie in her Benzie toward the Box of Funk, Craig returned from Christmas shopping and decided to accompany us. So Craig, Crescent, Rose & I all took a trip down to Federal Hill in Baltimore to the Funk Box, and a trip back in time, to see The Doors!
Well...okay. So it wasn't really the Doors. (I understand that Jim Morrison is quite dead and buried in gay Paris. May we all lament for the death of his cock. Sore and crucified.) It was a tribute band called The Soft Parade, the members of which make it their business to "recreate the theatrical, poetic, primal atmosphere of a live Doors concert for today's audiences."
It was almost insane, really. The lead singer had the long Jimmy Morrison wavy locks, the tight black leather pants, the big ugly brown leather jacket, the whole deal! He looked like Jim Morrison might have, if he had lived and hit the middle-age spread. Basically, it was fat Jimmy...kinda like fat Elvis.
The keyboard player looked very much like Ray Manzarek, keyboardist for the Doors, complete with the 70's style blonde mop hairdo, ugly shirt & blazer combo, and large framed 70's glasses. And the guitarist might have passed on the street for Robby Krieger, guitarist for the Doors, with his receding frizzed out shoulder length hair & hideous 70's attire. The drummer, however, didn't look much at all like John Densmore, drummer for the Doors. Nope. But boy was he sexy! =)
So, they had the look, but more impressive, they really and truly had the sound of the Doors. The lead singer actually sounded like Jim Morrison! The keyboardist used the same type of keyboards that Manzarek used to play and he played them well! It was terribly...well...groovy!
The first couple of songs were somewhat disappointing, as no one in the group knew them. But then they played "People are Strange" and everyone was able to sing along. After that, I'm pretty sure that I knew every song but a couple. Crescent and I were wiggling our asses and doing silly dances once the alcohol lowered our inhibitions a bit. (Rose didn't drink due to being the DD. Craig didn't drink because he is a GREAT, HUGE WALKING VAGINA!!! Well...that and he has tummy troubles.)
I demonstrated for Crescent the famous hippy finger watching dance that Beth (Ben's pot head-hippy-next door neighbor at 1913 6th Avenue) taught me at the Stoned Monkey in 1997 after getting me totally stoned in her car. Cres and I went downstairs and danced with the other drunken fools in front of the stage. After a few minutes, we noticed that the dance floor was actually bending & bouncing under the weight of all the people. We were afraid that we'd fall through to the trendy black toilets in the bathrooms down below, so we went back up to the balcony section to rejoin Craig and Rose.
In between every song, the band asked for requests. In the beginning I screamed out, "L.A. Woman!" or "Riders on the Storm!". As the night wore on, I got a little anxious that I wouldn't get to hear my all time favorite Doors song, "Light my Fire". So I began yelling out "Light my Fire!" And Crescent began saying, "Light her Fire!! For the love of god, light this woman's fire!!!" So they began singing "The End", which is a song that often ended many Doors concerts, and I began to feel drunkenly disappointed. And then they said goodnight and walked off stage! I joined in the chorus of people screaming, "Encore! Encore!", stamping my boots and clapping my hands. And, of course, they came back! And I screamed "Light my Fire, damn it!!!" one last time. And they did. And I danced and sang and acted a fool...and felt very happy doing it! =)
The Thirsty Dog & the Quest for the glowing Golden Arches
After enjoying the wonder that was The Soft Parade, we staggered and walked down the street to The Thirsty Dog Pub, which is a little brew pub a few doors down from the Funk Box on Federal Hill. It's a bar that actually allows owners to bring their mutts if they so choose. I discovered it during my date with Eric, the Jew. It's a very charming little place, with a fireplace blazing on the first floor and a second floor with cozy seating and charming bare brick walls. Crescent and I drank two Peach Dogs each.
People in Baltimore DO NOT know how to drive in ice and snow!
Several stupid Baltimorians driving in front of me on my way home tonight seemed perturbed when they tried to go up an incline and found it somewhat icy. So instead of slowing down, kicking their car into low gear, and proceeding up the hill they turn around in the middle of the fucking road, nearly causing several accidents, and drove back down the icy hill! Does this make the slightest bit of sense to anyone out there? IDIOTS!
And you would've thought a blizzard had hit tonight from Rose's report of the activity down at the local Superfresh (grocery store). Lines 10 people long at every register, including the self-check out lanes.
Oh boy. Now this should be an interesting winter.
Light My Fire, damn it!!!
I coaxed Crescent & Rose into joining me to go see a band on Saturday. As were about to be whisked away by Rosie in her Benzie toward the Box of Funk, Craig returned from Christmas shopping and decided to accompany us. So Craig, Crescent, Rose & I all took a trip down to Federal Hill in Baltimore to the Funk Box, and a trip back in time, to see The Doors!
Well...okay. So it wasn't really the Doors. (I understand that Jim Morrison is quite dead and buried in gay Paris. May we all lament for the death of his cock. Sore and crucified.) It was a tribute band called The Soft Parade, the members of which make it their business to "recreate the theatrical, poetic, primal atmosphere of a live Doors concert for today's audiences."
It was almost insane, really. The lead singer had the long Jimmy Morrison wavy locks, the tight black leather pants, the big ugly brown leather jacket, the whole deal! He looked like Jim Morrison might have, if he had lived and hit the middle-age spread. Basically, it was fat Jimmy...kinda like fat Elvis.
The keyboard player looked very much like Ray Manzarek, keyboardist for the Doors, complete with the 70's style blonde mop hairdo, ugly shirt & blazer combo, and large framed 70's glasses. And the guitarist might have passed on the street for Robby Krieger, guitarist for the Doors, with his receding frizzed out shoulder length hair & hideous 70's attire. The drummer, however, didn't look much at all like John Densmore, drummer for the Doors. Nope. But boy was he sexy! =)
So, they had the look, but more impressive, they really and truly had the sound of the Doors. The lead singer actually sounded like Jim Morrison! The keyboardist used the same type of keyboards that Manzarek used to play and he played them well! It was terribly...well...groovy!
The first couple of songs were somewhat disappointing, as no one in the group knew them. But then they played "People are Strange" and everyone was able to sing along. After that, I'm pretty sure that I knew every song but a couple. Crescent and I were wiggling our asses and doing silly dances once the alcohol lowered our inhibitions a bit. (Rose didn't drink due to being the DD. Craig didn't drink because he is a GREAT, HUGE WALKING VAGINA!!! Well...that and he has tummy troubles.)
I demonstrated for Crescent the famous hippy finger watching dance that Beth (Ben's pot head-hippy-next door neighbor at 1913 6th Avenue) taught me at the Stoned Monkey in 1997 after getting me totally stoned in her car. Cres and I went downstairs and danced with the other drunken fools in front of the stage. After a few minutes, we noticed that the dance floor was actually bending & bouncing under the weight of all the people. We were afraid that we'd fall through to the trendy black toilets in the bathrooms down below, so we went back up to the balcony section to rejoin Craig and Rose.
In between every song, the band asked for requests. In the beginning I screamed out, "L.A. Woman!" or "Riders on the Storm!". As the night wore on, I got a little anxious that I wouldn't get to hear my all time favorite Doors song, "Light my Fire". So I began yelling out "Light my Fire!" And Crescent began saying, "Light her Fire!! For the love of god, light this woman's fire!!!" So they began singing "The End", which is a song that often ended many Doors concerts, and I began to feel drunkenly disappointed. And then they said goodnight and walked off stage! I joined in the chorus of people screaming, "Encore! Encore!", stamping my boots and clapping my hands. And, of course, they came back! And I screamed "Light my Fire, damn it!!!" one last time. And they did. And I danced and sang and acted a fool...and felt very happy doing it! =)
The Thirsty Dog & the Quest for the glowing Golden Arches
After enjoying the wonder that was The Soft Parade, we staggered and walked down the street to The Thirsty Dog Pub, which is a little brew pub a few doors down from the Funk Box on Federal Hill. It's a bar that actually allows owners to bring their mutts if they so choose. I discovered it during my date with Eric, the Jew. It's a very charming little place, with a fireplace blazing on the first floor and a second floor with cozy seating and charming bare brick walls. Crescent and I drank two Peach Dogs each.
As we were contemplating the idea of going back to Cres & Craig's townhome to order pizza, the waitress asked us to finish our beer downstairs as the bar would be closing soon. Maryland is slightly retarded when it comes to the time the bars close...2 AM. Who ever heard of such a thing? Baltimore is a large, advanced city!!! Doesn't it follow reason that their bars should stay open later? All night, in fact?
Well, we walked downstairs, guzzling and gulping our amber nectar and I'm sure I ranted against the early closing of the bar for a moment or two. Somehow our conversation turned to McDonald's and Crescent suddenly became a Big Mac fiend, bound and determined that we should set forth at once to the land of Golden Arches! And so we began our quest for an open McDonald's with a glimmer of hope. But that hope was extinguished when we founde every drive-thru window dark & every Golden Arch dimmed. It was a very sad & hungry Crescent that we left with Craig on their doorstep that night.
Baltimore area DMB Wannabes
The Dave Matthews Band Wannabes actually have a name and a website. You can learn more about These Crowded Streets <--- by clicking on that link.
Friday, December 17, 2004
To believe...
I spent this evening painting ceramics and watching The Santa Clause and Miracle on 34th Street with my girls at the Center.
In the middle of The Santa Clause, one of the girls responded with incredulity to a comment my coworker, Sonja, made regarding Santa being real. She then turned to me and asked, "Ms. Christina...do you believe in Santa Claus?"
I stopped and thought for a second and answered, "I believe in the spirit of Santa Claus. Or the spirit of Christmas or Christ or whatever you want to call it. The spirit of giving, loving, and believing in something bigger and more magical than ourselves."
That answer satisfied her and she turned back to the movie. She was done, but I became thoughtful. I realized that I'm such an adult now...giving the answer my mother gave me not too long ago. And I realized that I want nothing more than to be a child again. To be able to believe. To believe in Santa Claus. To believe in anything other than what I see with my own two eyes or hear with my own two ears. To believe in magic and those untouchable, pure things of dreams & fairytales.
But I'm all grown up now.
"everybody knows
it hurts to grow up
but everybody does
it's so weird to be back here
let me tell you what
the years go on and
we're still fighting it
and you're so much like me
i'm sorry"
~ Ben Folds from Still Fighting It
I spent this evening painting ceramics and watching The Santa Clause and Miracle on 34th Street with my girls at the Center.
In the middle of The Santa Clause, one of the girls responded with incredulity to a comment my coworker, Sonja, made regarding Santa being real. She then turned to me and asked, "Ms. Christina...do you believe in Santa Claus?"
I stopped and thought for a second and answered, "I believe in the spirit of Santa Claus. Or the spirit of Christmas or Christ or whatever you want to call it. The spirit of giving, loving, and believing in something bigger and more magical than ourselves."
That answer satisfied her and she turned back to the movie. She was done, but I became thoughtful. I realized that I'm such an adult now...giving the answer my mother gave me not too long ago. And I realized that I want nothing more than to be a child again. To be able to believe. To believe in Santa Claus. To believe in anything other than what I see with my own two eyes or hear with my own two ears. To believe in magic and those untouchable, pure things of dreams & fairytales.
But I'm all grown up now.
"everybody knows
it hurts to grow up
but everybody does
it's so weird to be back here
let me tell you what
the years go on and
we're still fighting it
and you're so much like me
i'm sorry"
~ Ben Folds from Still Fighting It
Thursday, December 16, 2004
A Random phone conversation
This morning I got a phone call from Captain Random himself, Eric Abston. He was just checking in to make sure the "Baltmore hood rats" hadn't beaten me to a bloody pulp. And he wished me a Merry ChrismaHanaKwanzakha! I ensured him that, although I've been kicked in the breast, and most recently punched in the right arm and kicked in the right leg (with big blue bruises to prove it), I'm holding my own at work.
He then spent the next 15 minutes telling me how fabulous Pointe Break is and demanding that I watch it soon. And he bitched about Maryland not having "misleading road signs" and "not enough gas stations" along the Interstates. He declared that he was going to save up a bunch of trash and litter all over the place the next time he was in my new state.
Crazy bastard! I miss him, though. =)
How OCD did she be?
Rose and I finished decorating for Christmas today and did a little shopping. It was nice to spend the day together. We haven't really got to do that much since I moved up here due to her working like a mad banshee all the time. But, yeah, it was nice.
We reminisced about Christmases past, and this and that, and she discussed her Obsessive/Compulsive traits quite candidly with me. She doesn't really have too many these days besides making sure that her food doesn't touch and making sure she eats everything on her plate in an orderly fashion. (Chinese food is stressful for her. And those weird concoctions that Dad sometimes throws together usually blow her mind.) But when we were younger, my oh my, how OCD she be.
I remember her doing this thing with her hands over and over before she went to sleep and she'd repeat this little prayer thing every time she'd do the hand thing: "I love mommy, and daddy, and bubby, and sissy, and I love Chris Noel!" When she got older she had this thing with shoes. She bought shoes like I bought candy and then she never wanted to throw them away! Even if they were tattered, stinky, and full of holes!
Today she told me that it usd to annoy the hell out of her if she'd accidentally touch something or brush something lightly as she walked past it. And she'd have to go back and firmly touch it before she'd feel at ease again. For example, she would walk through the kitchen and her hand would lightly brush the towel hanging on the refrigerator as she passed by. In her head, she felt like the towel would "itch" or be all freaked out and squirmy until she went by and firmly gripped it for a moment and then let it go. Interesting, isn't it?
People who demonstrate OCD traits usually are trying to distract themselves from a larger issue that's troubling them and the ritualistic and obsessive behavior they engage in keeps them preoccupied. Also it's related to control issues. OCD individuals are exerting control in some way over their environments through their behaviors. Very, very interesting.
Rosie, thanks for giving me permission to post your info. I really appreciate it!
DMB Wannabes
We went to see a Dave Matthews tribute/cover band tonight at one of my new favorite music venues, the The Funk Box. They were rather good. 'Specially that saxaphone player! Damn, he was wailing tonight, making it a little hard for me to stand still! =)
I'm glad we went. It always makes me feel alive to see music created before my eyes and in my ears. =)
Le Sigh: A Poem
Ick! Ick! Ick! I'm feeling sick!
Sinus trouble. Mucus bubble.
Hack! Hack! Hack! Snot green as Gak!
My throat is sore. White blood cell war.
Ill! Ill! Ill! I need Nyquil!
To lay down my head. In my lonely bed.
This morning I got a phone call from Captain Random himself, Eric Abston. He was just checking in to make sure the "Baltmore hood rats" hadn't beaten me to a bloody pulp. And he wished me a Merry ChrismaHanaKwanzakha! I ensured him that, although I've been kicked in the breast, and most recently punched in the right arm and kicked in the right leg (with big blue bruises to prove it), I'm holding my own at work.
He then spent the next 15 minutes telling me how fabulous Pointe Break is and demanding that I watch it soon. And he bitched about Maryland not having "misleading road signs" and "not enough gas stations" along the Interstates. He declared that he was going to save up a bunch of trash and litter all over the place the next time he was in my new state.
Crazy bastard! I miss him, though. =)
How OCD did she be?
Rose and I finished decorating for Christmas today and did a little shopping. It was nice to spend the day together. We haven't really got to do that much since I moved up here due to her working like a mad banshee all the time. But, yeah, it was nice.
We reminisced about Christmases past, and this and that, and she discussed her Obsessive/Compulsive traits quite candidly with me. She doesn't really have too many these days besides making sure that her food doesn't touch and making sure she eats everything on her plate in an orderly fashion. (Chinese food is stressful for her. And those weird concoctions that Dad sometimes throws together usually blow her mind.) But when we were younger, my oh my, how OCD she be.
I remember her doing this thing with her hands over and over before she went to sleep and she'd repeat this little prayer thing every time she'd do the hand thing: "I love mommy, and daddy, and bubby, and sissy, and I love Chris Noel!" When she got older she had this thing with shoes. She bought shoes like I bought candy and then she never wanted to throw them away! Even if they were tattered, stinky, and full of holes!
Today she told me that it usd to annoy the hell out of her if she'd accidentally touch something or brush something lightly as she walked past it. And she'd have to go back and firmly touch it before she'd feel at ease again. For example, she would walk through the kitchen and her hand would lightly brush the towel hanging on the refrigerator as she passed by. In her head, she felt like the towel would "itch" or be all freaked out and squirmy until she went by and firmly gripped it for a moment and then let it go. Interesting, isn't it?
People who demonstrate OCD traits usually are trying to distract themselves from a larger issue that's troubling them and the ritualistic and obsessive behavior they engage in keeps them preoccupied. Also it's related to control issues. OCD individuals are exerting control in some way over their environments through their behaviors. Very, very interesting.
Rosie, thanks for giving me permission to post your info. I really appreciate it!
DMB Wannabes
We went to see a Dave Matthews tribute/cover band tonight at one of my new favorite music venues, the The Funk Box. They were rather good. 'Specially that saxaphone player! Damn, he was wailing tonight, making it a little hard for me to stand still! =)
I'm glad we went. It always makes me feel alive to see music created before my eyes and in my ears. =)
Le Sigh: A Poem
Ick! Ick! Ick! I'm feeling sick!
Sinus trouble. Mucus bubble.
Hack! Hack! Hack! Snot green as Gak!
My throat is sore. White blood cell war.
Ill! Ill! Ill! I need Nyquil!
To lay down my head. In my lonely bed.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Last night I had a very disturbing dream.
It started with me and three other people in my car. We were all dressed in black and I knew that we were going to a funeral. Someone was dead. There was a twenty something male and female in the back...my friends...I'm not sure who. And a twenty something male in the front seat with me...I was driving.
We were anxious that we would be late. The guy in the front especially. And he was very sad. He sort of looked like Eric, the Jewish boy with whom I recently went on a date. He kept rubbing his hands together & covering his face, exhaling heavily. He was very, very pale. We flashed from the highway to the winding roads of a cemetery, the graves covered with green grass and the gently sloping little hills dotted with gigantic oaks and grey & white headstones.
We pulled up beside a black hearse in a little parking lot area near a mosuleum. The back of the hearse, instead of being closed and having a coffin laid out, was sort of extended out like a truck. Instead of a coffin, the deceased young man was sitting up in a large throne-like dark wooden chair with intricate carvings and gold detailing. His blazing blue eyes were open and he was looking straight ahead, with no expression on his face. My car window was closest to him and I looked up at him. He turned his pale face towards me and smiled a that big, beautiful, honest, & welcoming smile that I remembered. It was my former junior high boyfriend and former high school friend, Robert Honaker, who died July 14, 1997 when I was 18 and he was 20, in a terrible car accident.
He just smiled down at me and we said hi and exchanged a few words:
Me: I've missed you.
Him: Me too.
Me: This is sad, isn't it?
Him: Yeah. It is.
He shrugged, the smile faded from his face, and his eyes moved to the boy next to me. He now wore a troubled look. I turned to look at the boy next to me. He was sweating fiercely, hands on his knees, and breathing heavily. Frowning, I looked back to Robert. I had a pang of fear in my chest. His pale face was a mask of calm concern.
Me: So what now?
Him: It won't be long.
Suddenly the boy next to me said, "Oh god! I'm going to be sick! I need to throw up!" And he jumped out of the car and ran a few feet from my car, across the parking lot. I remember feeling alarmed and thinking, "Throw up? He can't. He's dead. He's been enbalmed. All of his organs are sealed in little plastic baggies! He can't vomit!"
Robert looked on with that calm, pitying look and my passengers and I looked on with horror as we watched our walking-dead friend attempt to vomit. He gagged. Clear liquid came out...yellowish liquid. And then he gagged and gagged. And out came a clear plastic bag with an organ, maybe his heart. Then a larger one...his lungs maybe? Yellowish green liquid came pouring out followed by plastic bag after plastic bag containing his precious organs.
And then I woke up.
It started with me and three other people in my car. We were all dressed in black and I knew that we were going to a funeral. Someone was dead. There was a twenty something male and female in the back...my friends...I'm not sure who. And a twenty something male in the front seat with me...I was driving.
We were anxious that we would be late. The guy in the front especially. And he was very sad. He sort of looked like Eric, the Jewish boy with whom I recently went on a date. He kept rubbing his hands together & covering his face, exhaling heavily. He was very, very pale. We flashed from the highway to the winding roads of a cemetery, the graves covered with green grass and the gently sloping little hills dotted with gigantic oaks and grey & white headstones.
We pulled up beside a black hearse in a little parking lot area near a mosuleum. The back of the hearse, instead of being closed and having a coffin laid out, was sort of extended out like a truck. Instead of a coffin, the deceased young man was sitting up in a large throne-like dark wooden chair with intricate carvings and gold detailing. His blazing blue eyes were open and he was looking straight ahead, with no expression on his face. My car window was closest to him and I looked up at him. He turned his pale face towards me and smiled a that big, beautiful, honest, & welcoming smile that I remembered. It was my former junior high boyfriend and former high school friend, Robert Honaker, who died July 14, 1997 when I was 18 and he was 20, in a terrible car accident.
He just smiled down at me and we said hi and exchanged a few words:
Me: I've missed you.
Him: Me too.
Me: This is sad, isn't it?
Him: Yeah. It is.
He shrugged, the smile faded from his face, and his eyes moved to the boy next to me. He now wore a troubled look. I turned to look at the boy next to me. He was sweating fiercely, hands on his knees, and breathing heavily. Frowning, I looked back to Robert. I had a pang of fear in my chest. His pale face was a mask of calm concern.
Me: So what now?
Him: It won't be long.
Suddenly the boy next to me said, "Oh god! I'm going to be sick! I need to throw up!" And he jumped out of the car and ran a few feet from my car, across the parking lot. I remember feeling alarmed and thinking, "Throw up? He can't. He's dead. He's been enbalmed. All of his organs are sealed in little plastic baggies! He can't vomit!"
Robert looked on with that calm, pitying look and my passengers and I looked on with horror as we watched our walking-dead friend attempt to vomit. He gagged. Clear liquid came out...yellowish liquid. And then he gagged and gagged. And out came a clear plastic bag with an organ, maybe his heart. Then a larger one...his lungs maybe? Yellowish green liquid came pouring out followed by plastic bag after plastic bag containing his precious organs.
And then I woke up.
Monday, December 13, 2004
Jim's Christmas party, Crescent, & the Brew Pub
Friday night I went to a Christmas party at Jim Caruther's house (if that's his real name!) He made this awesome red Christmas brew that had rum and all sorts of goodies in it! I don't think it was quite "magic juice" but almost! And he had these delicious balls of meat (also called meatballs), deviled eggs, artichoke hearts, and cookies! Yum, yum, yum!
I took Craig's roomie, Crescent, with me. We left as Crescent had to meet up with her friend Monica to go X-mas shopping the next morning. That didn't stop us, however, from hitting a brew pub in Ellicot City, the name of which I can't recall. But boy did they have excellent brew! We drank until 1 or 2am and chatted with a bald gay man who was sitting next to us at the bar. All I remember was that the guy had a necklace of frankincense and myrrh. And Crescent mentioned that all over her friends want her to buy them plasma TVs for Christmas. We thought that she should raid a blood bank for it's plasma, get a few old TVs from a pawn shop, and then smear the plasma on the TVs, and then give them as gifts for Christmas! It was a fabulous time! Cres is so much fun!! She's so funny, witty, and smart!!! No wonder Craig has her as a roomie!
A nice Jewish boy
Saturday I had another match.com date. The guy was really nice and we had a great time laughing and joking, but I wasn't really attracted to him "in that way", which is very unfortunate. He was Jewish...acutally the first Jewish person that I've met. And I was the first girl from West Virginia that grew up in a single-wide trailer, with a trash pile in the yard and Mustang on cinderblocks in the driveway that he had met. We discussed South Park. =) We decided that I'm like Kenny and he's like Kyle. He let me call him a goddamned dirty Jew! (I've never actually said that before and had it have meaning until last night!!!) Overall I had a very nice time and he was so much fun to hang out with! I hope that he's up for just being friends. We'll see.
Trimming my tree, Don Pablo's, & the Fish Tacos
Today I slept in till and ungodly hour and then decorated our apartment Christmas style. We have lights in the windows, lights on the tall lamp, a 6' Christmas tree, my small tree in the kitchen, real pine garland in the windows, on the tables, and on the bookcase accented with red bows, lights in my fake tree, lights on the doorways, and candles everywhere! It's lovely!
Tonight Rosie and I went to dinner at a mexican restaurant called Don Pablo's. They had fish tacos on the menu!!! Mesquite flavored Mahi Mahi tacos! I laughed my ass of when I read it! Fish tacos!!!! =) And I had to call Chris, Shawn, and Sean to let them know. =)
Anyway, I ate there on my first visit up and met this darling waiter named Jim. Well, he still works there and served us again tonight. The awesome thing is that he remembered us! He came up and tapped me on my shoulder...actually he kept touching me. I think the final count was 5 or 6 times. He asked Rose where we lived and sat down and chatted for about 15 minutes. When we were leaving he asked if we were going to come back and see him and asked to be seated in his section. We assured him that we would and he proceeded to provide us with his schedule for the next week. Hmmm...this could be promising! So it looks like I'll be eating Mexican on Friday.
Friday night I went to a Christmas party at Jim Caruther's house (if that's his real name!) He made this awesome red Christmas brew that had rum and all sorts of goodies in it! I don't think it was quite "magic juice" but almost! And he had these delicious balls of meat (also called meatballs), deviled eggs, artichoke hearts, and cookies! Yum, yum, yum!
I took Craig's roomie, Crescent, with me. We left as Crescent had to meet up with her friend Monica to go X-mas shopping the next morning. That didn't stop us, however, from hitting a brew pub in Ellicot City, the name of which I can't recall. But boy did they have excellent brew! We drank until 1 or 2am and chatted with a bald gay man who was sitting next to us at the bar. All I remember was that the guy had a necklace of frankincense and myrrh. And Crescent mentioned that all over her friends want her to buy them plasma TVs for Christmas. We thought that she should raid a blood bank for it's plasma, get a few old TVs from a pawn shop, and then smear the plasma on the TVs, and then give them as gifts for Christmas! It was a fabulous time! Cres is so much fun!! She's so funny, witty, and smart!!! No wonder Craig has her as a roomie!
A nice Jewish boy
Saturday I had another match.com date. The guy was really nice and we had a great time laughing and joking, but I wasn't really attracted to him "in that way", which is very unfortunate. He was Jewish...acutally the first Jewish person that I've met. And I was the first girl from West Virginia that grew up in a single-wide trailer, with a trash pile in the yard and Mustang on cinderblocks in the driveway that he had met. We discussed South Park. =) We decided that I'm like Kenny and he's like Kyle. He let me call him a goddamned dirty Jew! (I've never actually said that before and had it have meaning until last night!!!) Overall I had a very nice time and he was so much fun to hang out with! I hope that he's up for just being friends. We'll see.
Trimming my tree, Don Pablo's, & the Fish Tacos
Today I slept in till and ungodly hour and then decorated our apartment Christmas style. We have lights in the windows, lights on the tall lamp, a 6' Christmas tree, my small tree in the kitchen, real pine garland in the windows, on the tables, and on the bookcase accented with red bows, lights in my fake tree, lights on the doorways, and candles everywhere! It's lovely!
Tonight Rosie and I went to dinner at a mexican restaurant called Don Pablo's. They had fish tacos on the menu!!! Mesquite flavored Mahi Mahi tacos! I laughed my ass of when I read it! Fish tacos!!!! =) And I had to call Chris, Shawn, and Sean to let them know. =)
Anyway, I ate there on my first visit up and met this darling waiter named Jim. Well, he still works there and served us again tonight. The awesome thing is that he remembered us! He came up and tapped me on my shoulder...actually he kept touching me. I think the final count was 5 or 6 times. He asked Rose where we lived and sat down and chatted for about 15 minutes. When we were leaving he asked if we were going to come back and see him and asked to be seated in his section. We assured him that we would and he proceeded to provide us with his schedule for the next week. Hmmm...this could be promising! So it looks like I'll be eating Mexican on Friday.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Whew!
What a bloody fucking crazy night last night! I took a girl to the hospital for a minor injury and during the trip she attempted to AWOL. She somehow wiggled her way out of those damn handcuffs and was working on the shackles around her ankles. She then turned her attention to the door of the vehicle and figured out how to unlock it (which, by the way, was supposed to be totally secure). Then she got out and began walking away from us, barefoot and still shackled, in the parking lot of the hospital. We coaxed her back into the van and locked her in again, she started cursing, screaming, and banging on the windows. I had to hold the door closed the entire way back to the Center! It was insane!
Also, I had a voice mail message from some psycho on my phone last night saying that "he knows I used his social security number to get a cell phone and that I lived in the Washington area and that he was going to come after me and I would pay"! I called Cingular today to try to clear the whole mess up and verify my social security number and other account information. They said nothing was amiss with my account. What the fuck? Crazy shit!
Regarding my romantic life, my date called me very, very late on Friday night. I was pissed and depressed thinking that he had stood me up totally. Well he called and so I drove down to the Eastern Shore of Maryland (where he lives) to meet up with him. We had a nice time, but ultimately our personalities didn't click very well. He reminded me very much of Chris in that he was stubborn and unyielding in many of his views...(no offense Chris, but you know you're stubborn)...and those views conflicted with mine. We simply didn't see eye to eye. And he was terribly impatient and curt with me at moments. As you can imagine, I didn't respond well to that. I figure that if I get pissed off on a date then it's not going anywhere.
Although the date was a flop, I did enjoy the beauty of the Eastern Shore. Everyone is raving about how lovely it is, so I was planning on making a trip there eventually anyway. I was impressed by the parts close by the water, because the water is so beautiful. But really the place looked a lot like Ohio...with water. It was mostly flat farmland with big, weathered farm houses, haggard-looking gas stations, hunting reserves, and the occassional fast food place dotting the landscape.
On my way to and from the Eastern Shore I crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. On the trip in it was dark and I was driving along talking to my mom on my cell phone. I realized that I was crossing a bridge and then it hit me that I'd been on this bridge for longer than usual. I then noticed that I was surrounded by a large expanse of ominous darkness on my right and in the distance I could see lights dotting a shoreline far away. To my left was the other arm of the bridge carrying cars back westward to the mainland of Maryland. Beyond that lighted highway in the air, there was nothing but blackness and tiny dots of lights on the other shore. I've never been one to be afraid of crossing water, but for a moment I was afraid. The following day, on my trip back to Baltimore, I was awed by the magnificence of the structure and by the beauty of the glittering Bay. It was one of those gold dust moments...the kind you wish you could freeze forever. Next time, I'll take my camera. =)
What a bloody fucking crazy night last night! I took a girl to the hospital for a minor injury and during the trip she attempted to AWOL. She somehow wiggled her way out of those damn handcuffs and was working on the shackles around her ankles. She then turned her attention to the door of the vehicle and figured out how to unlock it (which, by the way, was supposed to be totally secure). Then she got out and began walking away from us, barefoot and still shackled, in the parking lot of the hospital. We coaxed her back into the van and locked her in again, she started cursing, screaming, and banging on the windows. I had to hold the door closed the entire way back to the Center! It was insane!
Also, I had a voice mail message from some psycho on my phone last night saying that "he knows I used his social security number to get a cell phone and that I lived in the Washington area and that he was going to come after me and I would pay"! I called Cingular today to try to clear the whole mess up and verify my social security number and other account information. They said nothing was amiss with my account. What the fuck? Crazy shit!
Regarding my romantic life, my date called me very, very late on Friday night. I was pissed and depressed thinking that he had stood me up totally. Well he called and so I drove down to the Eastern Shore of Maryland (where he lives) to meet up with him. We had a nice time, but ultimately our personalities didn't click very well. He reminded me very much of Chris in that he was stubborn and unyielding in many of his views...(no offense Chris, but you know you're stubborn)...and those views conflicted with mine. We simply didn't see eye to eye. And he was terribly impatient and curt with me at moments. As you can imagine, I didn't respond well to that. I figure that if I get pissed off on a date then it's not going anywhere.
Although the date was a flop, I did enjoy the beauty of the Eastern Shore. Everyone is raving about how lovely it is, so I was planning on making a trip there eventually anyway. I was impressed by the parts close by the water, because the water is so beautiful. But really the place looked a lot like Ohio...with water. It was mostly flat farmland with big, weathered farm houses, haggard-looking gas stations, hunting reserves, and the occassional fast food place dotting the landscape.
On my way to and from the Eastern Shore I crossed the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. On the trip in it was dark and I was driving along talking to my mom on my cell phone. I realized that I was crossing a bridge and then it hit me that I'd been on this bridge for longer than usual. I then noticed that I was surrounded by a large expanse of ominous darkness on my right and in the distance I could see lights dotting a shoreline far away. To my left was the other arm of the bridge carrying cars back westward to the mainland of Maryland. Beyond that lighted highway in the air, there was nothing but blackness and tiny dots of lights on the other shore. I've never been one to be afraid of crossing water, but for a moment I was afraid. The following day, on my trip back to Baltimore, I was awed by the magnificence of the structure and by the beauty of the glittering Bay. It was one of those gold dust moments...the kind you wish you could freeze forever. Next time, I'll take my camera. =)
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Turkey for you...Turkey for me
I hope everyone had a lovely Turkey Day! I got to go home this past weekend and spend some quality time with my beloved family and friends. We spent Saturday at my folk's and had a late Thanksgiving Dinner and I then trotted to the Kabuki Rodeo to spend a fun night with Burnsy, Pat, Crystal, and My Nora. Sunday I hung out with Wayne, Cheryl, Rosie, and my little Meggie-poo.
Rose and I bought Meg a rainbow canopy to go over her bed. She calls it her "Care Bear Rainbow". She told me yesterday on the phone that she "loves her rainbow cause it makes her room cozy". God, I miss that little angel-faced munchkin!
Little Bo Peep restrained her sheep...
So my holiday was good, but tiring. I've returned to work and I'm pretty much back in the swing of things there. I'm finding that I like it better than previously, probably because I'm becoming more acclimated to my coworkers and the girls. The population I'm working with is a very difficult group and I guess it was normal for me to feel intimidated at first. But now I'm not so startled when I witness or participate in a restraint. Oh sorry...what I meant to say was "therapeutic hold".
Speaking of which, I got kicked in the boobie last Friday during a hold. That girl was a fucking beast, man! She fought for two hours, even after a shot of Thorazine, and it took 16 people to get her under control! She bit one staff person and injured the knees of one other. We finally called the cops. Crazy, eh?
GEEEETAAARRRRR!!!!!
I have an important announcement to make! I finally, with the help of Mr. Jim...*cough* *cough* "Caruthers" and the long-haired guitar boy at the Bill's House of Music, purchased a guitar last night! Huzzzah!!! My guitar quest is over...for now.
I had my eye on a lovely EG540C NEX Cutaway Acoustic-Electric Guitar by Takamine in this fabulous electric blue color. But it's priced at $450 and I just don't have that kind of money to spend right now. Nor do I really need a flashy, sexy, guitar that I can plug in to an amp at this point. So last night I settled on simple, yet very rich sounding Jasmine by Takamine S35 Acoustic Guitar. With a hard-shell case it only cost $180 and it's quite pretty in it's simple, solid way. But what makes it more beautiful is the sound it produces. It's actually louder and richer than the fancy acoustic-electric I was lusting after!
I had Jim play guitar after guitar to get his opinion and we were stuggling between a few choices, when he asked the guitar boy what he could reccommend. He brought the Jasmine, which vibrated terribly because it needed an adjustment. I was thinking, "Hell no! Is this man out of his fucking mind?" He asked us to wait a moment and took a new one out of it's case. Jim tuned it and played it...and then played another we had been looking at. After many minutes of going back and forth, I sat down with the guitar. After a few minutes of me strumming the few chords that I know on each guitar, I decided on the Jasmine. And so that's the story of how I got my first guitar. Now I just need to set up lessons!
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...
As some of you know, I've been a member of match.com for a little while. I've met some very nice people, but no one I "clicked" with.. Well, last Wednesday evening I met up with a very attractive, intelligent, witty, and charming guy down at the Inner Harbour. His name is Sean. He's 6'6", 240lbs., and is a Petty Officer First Class in the Coast Guard. I had a really nice time with him and I plan on seeing him again Friday. It was really nice being able to look up at someone for a chance. So, we'll see.
One of these days I'll get it right. I believe that each person deserves to be with someone who is totally and completely all about them. Someone who will support them, be their best friend, and who will be their equal and partner through life. That's what I have to offer someone and one of these days someone will understand what I'm offering, will treasure it, and will take me up on that offer for the rest of my life.
And now I need to go "warsh my stanky ass", as one of my girls would say, so that I'm not late for work. Ah, I wonder what type of mood my little angels will be in tonight?
I hope everyone had a lovely Turkey Day! I got to go home this past weekend and spend some quality time with my beloved family and friends. We spent Saturday at my folk's and had a late Thanksgiving Dinner and I then trotted to the Kabuki Rodeo to spend a fun night with Burnsy, Pat, Crystal, and My Nora. Sunday I hung out with Wayne, Cheryl, Rosie, and my little Meggie-poo.
Rose and I bought Meg a rainbow canopy to go over her bed. She calls it her "Care Bear Rainbow". She told me yesterday on the phone that she "loves her rainbow cause it makes her room cozy". God, I miss that little angel-faced munchkin!
Little Bo Peep restrained her sheep...
So my holiday was good, but tiring. I've returned to work and I'm pretty much back in the swing of things there. I'm finding that I like it better than previously, probably because I'm becoming more acclimated to my coworkers and the girls. The population I'm working with is a very difficult group and I guess it was normal for me to feel intimidated at first. But now I'm not so startled when I witness or participate in a restraint. Oh sorry...what I meant to say was "therapeutic hold".
Speaking of which, I got kicked in the boobie last Friday during a hold. That girl was a fucking beast, man! She fought for two hours, even after a shot of Thorazine, and it took 16 people to get her under control! She bit one staff person and injured the knees of one other. We finally called the cops. Crazy, eh?
GEEEETAAARRRRR!!!!!
I have an important announcement to make! I finally, with the help of Mr. Jim...*cough* *cough* "Caruthers" and the long-haired guitar boy at the Bill's House of Music, purchased a guitar last night! Huzzzah!!! My guitar quest is over...for now.
I had my eye on a lovely EG540C NEX Cutaway Acoustic-Electric Guitar by Takamine in this fabulous electric blue color. But it's priced at $450 and I just don't have that kind of money to spend right now. Nor do I really need a flashy, sexy, guitar that I can plug in to an amp at this point. So last night I settled on simple, yet very rich sounding Jasmine by Takamine S35 Acoustic Guitar. With a hard-shell case it only cost $180 and it's quite pretty in it's simple, solid way. But what makes it more beautiful is the sound it produces. It's actually louder and richer than the fancy acoustic-electric I was lusting after!
I had Jim play guitar after guitar to get his opinion and we were stuggling between a few choices, when he asked the guitar boy what he could reccommend. He brought the Jasmine, which vibrated terribly because it needed an adjustment. I was thinking, "Hell no! Is this man out of his fucking mind?" He asked us to wait a moment and took a new one out of it's case. Jim tuned it and played it...and then played another we had been looking at. After many minutes of going back and forth, I sat down with the guitar. After a few minutes of me strumming the few chords that I know on each guitar, I decided on the Jasmine. And so that's the story of how I got my first guitar. Now I just need to set up lessons!
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...
As some of you know, I've been a member of match.com for a little while. I've met some very nice people, but no one I "clicked" with.. Well, last Wednesday evening I met up with a very attractive, intelligent, witty, and charming guy down at the Inner Harbour. His name is Sean. He's 6'6", 240lbs., and is a Petty Officer First Class in the Coast Guard. I had a really nice time with him and I plan on seeing him again Friday. It was really nice being able to look up at someone for a chance. So, we'll see.
One of these days I'll get it right. I believe that each person deserves to be with someone who is totally and completely all about them. Someone who will support them, be their best friend, and who will be their equal and partner through life. That's what I have to offer someone and one of these days someone will understand what I'm offering, will treasure it, and will take me up on that offer for the rest of my life.
And now I need to go "warsh my stanky ass", as one of my girls would say, so that I'm not late for work. Ah, I wonder what type of mood my little angels will be in tonight?
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