I am Batman!
Batman Begins was fabulous! It was perfectly dark! I was not disappointed. :) I love the fact that they explained how he gets his training and where all his Bat-goodies come from! I love Christian Bale as Batman! He is Bruce Wayne! He is Batman! And the Scarecrow/Dr. Crane was perfect. He's my favorite villan because he could really happen. Some psycho psychiatrist could just flip out and start fucking with peoples' minds. Hell...one day I could do it! But I'm not so ambitious. I'm still focused on that whole helping people thing. Crazy, I know. Anyway, I was giddy and on the edge of my seat during a good portion of the film. I was somewhat disappointed with a few moments at the ending, but I can live with it.
"My love, my darkest knight Chasing jokers and all your demons Oh love, in your endless fight Plagued by voices devoid of reason" ~ from Batman by C. Garris
Friday, June 17, 2005
Batman Begins and the Lord our God
Going to go see Batman Begins with Nick and his friend John.
And trying to decide whether or not to accept the invite Nick gave for me to accompany him to his uncle's weekend birthday shindig. His whole family will be there plus a ton of alcohol. I was just planning on suning my ass by the pool all weekend. Hmmmm...I don't know...being surrounded by Nick's people...it sorta makes me feel bad in my no-no spot.
Maybe I should pray about it. Maybe I should ask myself....What Would Jesus Do? Because, afterall, like the Doobie Brothers said, "Jesus is my friend. Yes he is." Hallelujah! See me! See my tie! See me tie my tie!!! *runs around the church three times and then falls down twitching*
Going to go see Batman Begins with Nick and his friend John.
And trying to decide whether or not to accept the invite Nick gave for me to accompany him to his uncle's weekend birthday shindig. His whole family will be there plus a ton of alcohol. I was just planning on suning my ass by the pool all weekend. Hmmmm...I don't know...being surrounded by Nick's people...it sorta makes me feel bad in my no-no spot.
Maybe I should pray about it. Maybe I should ask myself....What Would Jesus Do? Because, afterall, like the Doobie Brothers said, "Jesus is my friend. Yes he is." Hallelujah! See me! See my tie! See me tie my tie!!! *runs around the church three times and then falls down twitching*
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Save the junkies! Hurray!
I had an interesting day at work today. We had a training on the partial opiate agonist, buprenorphine, as it's going to be available to every client in my clinic now, not just the ones enrolled in the buprenorphine program. And that makes me very happy. Mainly because it doesn't give the euphoric effect in opiate tolerant individuals that methadone does. So it's not as addictive. And it has built in safeguards against diversion in the form of the mu antagonist drug, naloxone.
Hmmm...maybe I should give a bit of background information. I don't even know if I've mentioned my new job on here or not yet. (So sad really.)
Rolling in Churry Hill, yo!
I'm working as an addiction counselor once again at an addiction treatment center in Cherry Hill in Baltimore, MD. We mainly deal with heroin addicted individuals as Baltimore is one of the major east coast ports and, therefore, a doorway for illegal drugs into the U.S. Baltimore has been called the heroin capitol of the U.S. A large portion of our clients are also cocaine, alcohol, and marijuana addicted.
The center offers individual and group counseling, addiction and recovery education groups, art therapy, job skills groups, acupuncture, methadone maintenance and detox, and buprenorphine maintenance and detox. Also there is a part time psychiatrist and two full time medical doctors available to the clients for general health consultation and psychotropic med. management. Although there is room for tweaking and improvement at the center, it does offer a wide variety of treatment options. And I am very pleased to be part of it.
For those heroin addicted people who choose the "medication assisted" route of ceasing heroin use, they now have two choices: methadone or buprenorphine. And that excites me as well!
Methadone or Metha-don't?
Methadone is a synthetic opiate created by German scientists in WWII while attempting to find a less addictive and more effective alternative to morphine. They were unsuccessful. Methadone has a longer half-life, which means a longer period of withdrawal, which means for many people a tougher habit to kick. Also it's not a very good pain killer at all. In the 60's two doctors began using it in research with heroin addicted prisoners and it was successful in relieving their symptoms with just one dose every 24 hours. And ZAPOWIE! Methadone maintenance treatment was born.
Methadone maintenance has earned a bad reputation over the years and with good reason. Poorly managed clinics have allowed clients access to methadone who truly didn't qualify for treatment with the drug. (I know...I worked at one such clinic.) According to federal law in order to be admitted for mmt, potential clients need to have documentation of at least two failed detoxification programs and must demonstrate physical withdrawal symptoms from opiates. Sometimes some of those requirements were overlooked by admissions staff.
So there's one blow for methadone. Another problem is diversion or illegal selling of methadone take home medication. Over time, as clients progress through treatment and comply with all regulations, they earn take home medication. Basically they don't have to come to the clinic every day. Some states allow clients up to 30 take homes with only one clinic visit a month! That is totally insane in my opinion. That is TEMPTATION in big, red, hairy capital letters to a drug addict who has bought and sold drugs for years. And many of them don't pass the test and sell it to make a quick dollar.
Bless the state of Maryland for only allowing up to 13 days worth of take homes and praise my current clinic for only allowing 6! Diversion is still a problem, however, and that's why I'm so excited about the introduction of buprenorphine!
My brain is tingling! I think I'm getting a signal!
Okay but before I go ape shit about buprenorphine, let's talk a wee bit more about heroin and methadone. In the brain there's a particular receptor called the mu opioid receptor. When the mu receptor is triggered by a neurotransmitter, this inhibits the firing of certain neurons. So basically, when naturally stimulated it prevents a person from experiencing pain. Heroin an opioid agonist, which means its strangely attracted to mu receptors like I'm strangely attracted to Hobbits. Heroin "fits" into the receptor slot, triggers it, and provides the person with pain relief, a sense of euphoria, and sedation. Basically, it makes them high.
Methadone acts somewhat like the heroin in that it binds to and triggers the receptor to ease withdrawal symptoms and cravings, however, the client does not experience euphoria because the dose is only high enough to keep the client from getting sick. It's at a "therapeutic level". What methadone does that's really cool is that it blocks the receptor. That means that if someone takes methadone and then takes heroin, they won't get the euphoric effect because the receptor is already occupied. NO VACANCY! Addicts stop using heroin because they are no longer sick from withdrawal and they can't get high.
Of course, if they take more methadone than they need, then they'll just be getting high off the methadone. But medication is monitored by doctors, nurses, and counselors to prevent that sort of thing. We do our best. Even when a person is on a therapeutic dose of methadone, the client may experience a "slight rush or sense of well-being that lasts a few minutes" after dosing. This and the fact that withdrawal from it is just as uncomfotable as withdrawal from heroin can make it addictive. It's a double edged sword of sorts. The clients are no longer shooting up and no longer living unhealthy illegal lifestyles, which is good, but they're still physically addicted to something from which it is difficult to detox.
Buprenorphine: The Perfect Drug?
Now buprenorphine is a partial opiate agonist. Like methadone and heroin, it also has a very wonderful and strange affinity for opiod receptors. Actually it has a stronger attraction and it binds to those receptors like nobody's business! In fact, once buprenorphine is bound to a receptor, ain't nothing getting it off but time. Buprenorphine stimulates the receptor relieving withdrawal symptoms and cravings and blocking the receptor. So again, if someone takes heroin or methadone and they're on a therapeutic dose of buprenorphine, those other drugs will not induce euphoria and the person just wasted a hell of a lot of money.
One neat thing about buprenorphine is that it has a ceiling as far as the euphoric effect. It will not produce a euphoric effect in an opiate tolerant (addicted) individual. Now if someone like me took it who has only had Tylenol 3 once in her life, sure, I may get a buzz. And if I drink enough Nyquil I'll get drunk...but it's not worth it! Same thing with the buprenorphine. It's not worth it! So this decreases the risk of diversion. Why the hell would an addict buy something that can't make them high? They won't. And most people like me will just go out and buy a fifth of Jim Beam.
Another cool feature is that the brand our clinic is using is mixed with an opioid antagonist called naloxone. Naloxone is the drug that they give to people in hospitals when they overdose on heroin or other opiates. It's an opiod antagonist, so it goes in and yanks the heroin off of the receptor and binds to the receptor. Basically it says, "Get off of my land!" to the heroin and kicks it to the curb. This reverses the effects of the heroin or opiate, which, in the case of overdose, saves the persons life. If a person who was tolerant to and using heroin, but not overdosed, took naloxone, it would send them into withdrawal.
The naloxone in our buprenorphine/naloxone mix is only released if someone crushes and snorts or shoots up the drug. If they take it like they're supposed to, by letting it absorb under the tongue, then it works properly. So this decreases the risk of diversion even more! Cool, huh? Plus, if the medicine is ingested, no medicine whatsoever is released. So if someone buys it on the street and doesn't know how to take it and they swallow it, nothing happens. Or if a kid gets in mommy's medicine and takes it, no harm is done.
Another plus to buprenorphine is that its a slow release medication. This means that if you take it every day or every other day as prescribed, it builds up in your system. You do this for a while, get your life back on track, and after a bit you're ready to detox. Okay, so the doctor tapers the dose little by little. Your body has built up a nice little supply and is feeding off that plus the little the doc is giving you, so withdrawal isn't as hard. It's just easier, less painful.
So there ya go. That's why I'm so excited about this new medication! A drug that has little potential for abuse but a high potential to help people stop a horrible and self destructive habit! How wonderful!
I'm sure no one read even half of this. And if they did they're probably bored out of their minds. But oh well. It's exciting to me!
See ya on the flip side of reality! I'll be rolling in the ghetto!
I had an interesting day at work today. We had a training on the partial opiate agonist, buprenorphine, as it's going to be available to every client in my clinic now, not just the ones enrolled in the buprenorphine program. And that makes me very happy. Mainly because it doesn't give the euphoric effect in opiate tolerant individuals that methadone does. So it's not as addictive. And it has built in safeguards against diversion in the form of the mu antagonist drug, naloxone.
Hmmm...maybe I should give a bit of background information. I don't even know if I've mentioned my new job on here or not yet. (So sad really.)
Rolling in Churry Hill, yo!
I'm working as an addiction counselor once again at an addiction treatment center in Cherry Hill in Baltimore, MD. We mainly deal with heroin addicted individuals as Baltimore is one of the major east coast ports and, therefore, a doorway for illegal drugs into the U.S. Baltimore has been called the heroin capitol of the U.S. A large portion of our clients are also cocaine, alcohol, and marijuana addicted.
The center offers individual and group counseling, addiction and recovery education groups, art therapy, job skills groups, acupuncture, methadone maintenance and detox, and buprenorphine maintenance and detox. Also there is a part time psychiatrist and two full time medical doctors available to the clients for general health consultation and psychotropic med. management. Although there is room for tweaking and improvement at the center, it does offer a wide variety of treatment options. And I am very pleased to be part of it.
For those heroin addicted people who choose the "medication assisted" route of ceasing heroin use, they now have two choices: methadone or buprenorphine. And that excites me as well!
Methadone or Metha-don't?
Methadone is a synthetic opiate created by German scientists in WWII while attempting to find a less addictive and more effective alternative to morphine. They were unsuccessful. Methadone has a longer half-life, which means a longer period of withdrawal, which means for many people a tougher habit to kick. Also it's not a very good pain killer at all. In the 60's two doctors began using it in research with heroin addicted prisoners and it was successful in relieving their symptoms with just one dose every 24 hours. And ZAPOWIE! Methadone maintenance treatment was born.
Methadone maintenance has earned a bad reputation over the years and with good reason. Poorly managed clinics have allowed clients access to methadone who truly didn't qualify for treatment with the drug. (I know...I worked at one such clinic.) According to federal law in order to be admitted for mmt, potential clients need to have documentation of at least two failed detoxification programs and must demonstrate physical withdrawal symptoms from opiates. Sometimes some of those requirements were overlooked by admissions staff.
So there's one blow for methadone. Another problem is diversion or illegal selling of methadone take home medication. Over time, as clients progress through treatment and comply with all regulations, they earn take home medication. Basically they don't have to come to the clinic every day. Some states allow clients up to 30 take homes with only one clinic visit a month! That is totally insane in my opinion. That is TEMPTATION in big, red, hairy capital letters to a drug addict who has bought and sold drugs for years. And many of them don't pass the test and sell it to make a quick dollar.
Bless the state of Maryland for only allowing up to 13 days worth of take homes and praise my current clinic for only allowing 6! Diversion is still a problem, however, and that's why I'm so excited about the introduction of buprenorphine!
My brain is tingling! I think I'm getting a signal!
Okay but before I go ape shit about buprenorphine, let's talk a wee bit more about heroin and methadone. In the brain there's a particular receptor called the mu opioid receptor. When the mu receptor is triggered by a neurotransmitter, this inhibits the firing of certain neurons. So basically, when naturally stimulated it prevents a person from experiencing pain. Heroin an opioid agonist, which means its strangely attracted to mu receptors like I'm strangely attracted to Hobbits. Heroin "fits" into the receptor slot, triggers it, and provides the person with pain relief, a sense of euphoria, and sedation. Basically, it makes them high.
Methadone acts somewhat like the heroin in that it binds to and triggers the receptor to ease withdrawal symptoms and cravings, however, the client does not experience euphoria because the dose is only high enough to keep the client from getting sick. It's at a "therapeutic level". What methadone does that's really cool is that it blocks the receptor. That means that if someone takes methadone and then takes heroin, they won't get the euphoric effect because the receptor is already occupied. NO VACANCY! Addicts stop using heroin because they are no longer sick from withdrawal and they can't get high.
Of course, if they take more methadone than they need, then they'll just be getting high off the methadone. But medication is monitored by doctors, nurses, and counselors to prevent that sort of thing. We do our best. Even when a person is on a therapeutic dose of methadone, the client may experience a "slight rush or sense of well-being that lasts a few minutes" after dosing. This and the fact that withdrawal from it is just as uncomfotable as withdrawal from heroin can make it addictive. It's a double edged sword of sorts. The clients are no longer shooting up and no longer living unhealthy illegal lifestyles, which is good, but they're still physically addicted to something from which it is difficult to detox.
Buprenorphine: The Perfect Drug?
Now buprenorphine is a partial opiate agonist. Like methadone and heroin, it also has a very wonderful and strange affinity for opiod receptors. Actually it has a stronger attraction and it binds to those receptors like nobody's business! In fact, once buprenorphine is bound to a receptor, ain't nothing getting it off but time. Buprenorphine stimulates the receptor relieving withdrawal symptoms and cravings and blocking the receptor. So again, if someone takes heroin or methadone and they're on a therapeutic dose of buprenorphine, those other drugs will not induce euphoria and the person just wasted a hell of a lot of money.
One neat thing about buprenorphine is that it has a ceiling as far as the euphoric effect. It will not produce a euphoric effect in an opiate tolerant (addicted) individual. Now if someone like me took it who has only had Tylenol 3 once in her life, sure, I may get a buzz. And if I drink enough Nyquil I'll get drunk...but it's not worth it! Same thing with the buprenorphine. It's not worth it! So this decreases the risk of diversion. Why the hell would an addict buy something that can't make them high? They won't. And most people like me will just go out and buy a fifth of Jim Beam.
Another cool feature is that the brand our clinic is using is mixed with an opioid antagonist called naloxone. Naloxone is the drug that they give to people in hospitals when they overdose on heroin or other opiates. It's an opiod antagonist, so it goes in and yanks the heroin off of the receptor and binds to the receptor. Basically it says, "Get off of my land!" to the heroin and kicks it to the curb. This reverses the effects of the heroin or opiate, which, in the case of overdose, saves the persons life. If a person who was tolerant to and using heroin, but not overdosed, took naloxone, it would send them into withdrawal.
The naloxone in our buprenorphine/naloxone mix is only released if someone crushes and snorts or shoots up the drug. If they take it like they're supposed to, by letting it absorb under the tongue, then it works properly. So this decreases the risk of diversion even more! Cool, huh? Plus, if the medicine is ingested, no medicine whatsoever is released. So if someone buys it on the street and doesn't know how to take it and they swallow it, nothing happens. Or if a kid gets in mommy's medicine and takes it, no harm is done.
Another plus to buprenorphine is that its a slow release medication. This means that if you take it every day or every other day as prescribed, it builds up in your system. You do this for a while, get your life back on track, and after a bit you're ready to detox. Okay, so the doctor tapers the dose little by little. Your body has built up a nice little supply and is feeding off that plus the little the doc is giving you, so withdrawal isn't as hard. It's just easier, less painful.
So there ya go. That's why I'm so excited about this new medication! A drug that has little potential for abuse but a high potential to help people stop a horrible and self destructive habit! How wonderful!
I'm sure no one read even half of this. And if they did they're probably bored out of their minds. But oh well. It's exciting to me!
See ya on the flip side of reality! I'll be rolling in the ghetto!
Monday, June 13, 2005
The boyfriend contacted me. He's alive and safe and all is well with my world.
I actually succeeded in coercing Nick into going to the pool with me. And getting into the water. I did, however, have to first ply him with liquor and buy him some "non-Wooo!-boy" swim trucks.
I'll explain the "Wooo!-boy" thing later. For now, here's the promised creative thingie:
I actually succeeded in coercing Nick into going to the pool with me. And getting into the water. I did, however, have to first ply him with liquor and buy him some "non-Wooo!-boy" swim trucks.
I'll explain the "Wooo!-boy" thing later. For now, here's the promised creative thingie:
I'm aware of you in the blue twilight
hand over hand
listening
I remember a time when I used to hear with my whole body
my eyes, my ears, and fingertips
listening
If now was then would I taste you with my eyes and see you with my tongue?
Would I hear your every thought with the skin of my arm?
Would I see your smile with my lips?
I close my eyes and wait
listening
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Rose and Christina go to BW3
Yesterday Rose had a mad, mad craving for chicken wings which got me thinking about BW3. So I went to Buffalo Wild Wings home on the World Wide Web and lo and behold there was a BW3 in Maryland. But only one. And it was in Hagerstown.
Of course, it was the extremely logical choice for us to drive an hour and a half so that we could indulge in the many flavors of wings and several rousing games of trivia! The cool thing is that I won! I won a trivia game! Now I understand how Dave, the mystery guy who always won trivia at the Huntington BW3, must've felt! Like a freakin' god!!!!!!!
The Horse You Rode In On Saloon
Rose and I returned to B-more and Cres and Scott called to see if we wanted to go out and hear some live music. Well you know me! I was all for it and got all cute....and then they canceled. :( Lame ass bitches! But Rose and I still went out to The Horse You Rose In On and listened to a lame cover band. The band did a cover of the Killers "Mr. Brightside" that genuinely pissed me off...because they were just so bad at it! The rest of the drunken fools didn't seem to mind however and the entire bar sang along while I leaned against the wall and threw the musicians looks of derision. Although the music pretty much sucked the evening was not a total loss as Rosie got hit on by some guy from New York and I got wasted. I made it to bed at 3am.
Like the deserts miss the rain...
So now it's Sunday morning and it's lovely outside. I think I'll do the pool later today after cleaning the house.
I have a weird twisty kind of feeling in my tummy cause I'm missing my boyfriend. :( *Le sigh* I haven't heard from him in about 24 hours...I'm a bit worried. I hope he hasn't been in an accident or anything. What if there was a terrible fire in the kitchen due to a bananas Foster mishap? Eeeeeek!
Well, I'm gonna go pick Nick up from the airport and hear about his night of debauchery in Boston. Maybe I can convince him to come to the pool with me? Hmmm....he might burst into flame himself. Evil doesn't like god's light bulb.
Yesterday Rose had a mad, mad craving for chicken wings which got me thinking about BW3. So I went to Buffalo Wild Wings home on the World Wide Web and lo and behold there was a BW3 in Maryland. But only one. And it was in Hagerstown.
Of course, it was the extremely logical choice for us to drive an hour and a half so that we could indulge in the many flavors of wings and several rousing games of trivia! The cool thing is that I won! I won a trivia game! Now I understand how Dave, the mystery guy who always won trivia at the Huntington BW3, must've felt! Like a freakin' god!!!!!!!
The Horse You Rode In On Saloon
Rose and I returned to B-more and Cres and Scott called to see if we wanted to go out and hear some live music. Well you know me! I was all for it and got all cute....and then they canceled. :( Lame ass bitches! But Rose and I still went out to The Horse You Rose In On and listened to a lame cover band. The band did a cover of the Killers "Mr. Brightside" that genuinely pissed me off...because they were just so bad at it! The rest of the drunken fools didn't seem to mind however and the entire bar sang along while I leaned against the wall and threw the musicians looks of derision. Although the music pretty much sucked the evening was not a total loss as Rosie got hit on by some guy from New York and I got wasted. I made it to bed at 3am.
Like the deserts miss the rain...
So now it's Sunday morning and it's lovely outside. I think I'll do the pool later today after cleaning the house.
I have a weird twisty kind of feeling in my tummy cause I'm missing my boyfriend. :( *Le sigh* I haven't heard from him in about 24 hours...I'm a bit worried. I hope he hasn't been in an accident or anything. What if there was a terrible fire in the kitchen due to a bananas Foster mishap? Eeeeeek!
Well, I'm gonna go pick Nick up from the airport and hear about his night of debauchery in Boston. Maybe I can convince him to come to the pool with me? Hmmm....he might burst into flame himself. Evil doesn't like god's light bulb.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Bleep blop blip!
I'm sailing a broken ship!
Oh lordy, I'm tired! I'll be retiring to bed in a few minutes to rest my exhausted mind, body, and spirit. And I'm sleeping until noon, damn it!
Let's see...last night Crescent and her boyfriend, Scott, invited me over for dinner. Scott cooked some delicious curried chicken over rice. And I took the pinot noir that I bought in Cincy last weekend. The meal and the wine were both delicious!
Poor Cres was a little embarrassed, I think, because Scott was obviously already intoxicated when I arrived. He kept asking me all sorts of personal questions and he kept fawning all over Crescent. Although he was quite drunk it was rather sweet how he kept professing his love. However, I'm sure that if you're on the receiving end, constantly being assaulted with flowery declarations of love, it gets quite old. Poor Cres. I can't feel too sorry for her. He's the creative, poetic, artsy type that many girls dream of. And he's a brilliant artist! His paintings are very abstact and so alive with color! He's supposed to paint me one this summer!
What else? Work. Work is going well. I'm turning heads with my organizational skills and go get 'em attitude. :) Actually, I'm fitting in rather nicely now. Getting accustomed to the staff and clients. It feels very familiar. Not at all as intimidating as I thought working in the ghetto of Baltimore would be. I suppose I thought that the cultural differences between myself and the clients would present a communication barrier, but I've noticed none thus far. They're simply people with complex problems who wanted a quick fix and wound up making things worse than they were in the beginning. They're addicts, plain and simple.
I found a poem that I wrote when Colin and I went to walk on the beach at Ocean City the second week of May. I'll post it tomorrow. I'm too tired.
Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sailing a broken ship!
Oh lordy, I'm tired! I'll be retiring to bed in a few minutes to rest my exhausted mind, body, and spirit. And I'm sleeping until noon, damn it!
Let's see...last night Crescent and her boyfriend, Scott, invited me over for dinner. Scott cooked some delicious curried chicken over rice. And I took the pinot noir that I bought in Cincy last weekend. The meal and the wine were both delicious!
Poor Cres was a little embarrassed, I think, because Scott was obviously already intoxicated when I arrived. He kept asking me all sorts of personal questions and he kept fawning all over Crescent. Although he was quite drunk it was rather sweet how he kept professing his love. However, I'm sure that if you're on the receiving end, constantly being assaulted with flowery declarations of love, it gets quite old. Poor Cres. I can't feel too sorry for her. He's the creative, poetic, artsy type that many girls dream of. And he's a brilliant artist! His paintings are very abstact and so alive with color! He's supposed to paint me one this summer!
What else? Work. Work is going well. I'm turning heads with my organizational skills and go get 'em attitude. :) Actually, I'm fitting in rather nicely now. Getting accustomed to the staff and clients. It feels very familiar. Not at all as intimidating as I thought working in the ghetto of Baltimore would be. I suppose I thought that the cultural differences between myself and the clients would present a communication barrier, but I've noticed none thus far. They're simply people with complex problems who wanted a quick fix and wound up making things worse than they were in the beginning. They're addicts, plain and simple.
I found a poem that I wrote when Colin and I went to walk on the beach at Ocean City the second week of May. I'll post it tomorrow. I'm too tired.
Goodnight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
God I'm so bloody tired!
The trip to Ohio this past weekend totally wiped me out. And then there was the trip to WV last weekend. Soon I'll have to go back to WV to collect my sexy ghettomobile once Dad has finished resuscitating it. And then there will be another trip to see Colin at the end of the month. Jeez! I like driving and road trips but I think this may be a little overkill.
I was ready to commit hara-kiri on Sunday driving back to Baltimore. It was so bloody hot that day in Cincinnati! As soon as Colin and I walked out the door of his hotel we both began to perspire. I think it was 98F (?) and the humidity was suffocating. Plus the air conditioner doesn't work in the car I'm driving at the moment. Needless to say, I was miserable! I ended up drinking like 10 bottles of water during the drive back. And God knows how many times I had to empty my bladder.
Going back to Dad fixing my car...I'm just amazed that the thing is still functional. It's so ugly! I hate it so much! Yet I need it. Strange relationship. I promise, though, with God and all of you fine people as my witnesses, that when the ghettomobile finally dies (and die it shall) I am taking it to a shooting range with Colin and we're going to unload magazine after magazine into it's mottled rusty grey frame. And you all can come if you want! Bring your spray paint cans! Bring your sledgehammers! Bring your guns!
I need to get in bed. But I'm irritated by the fact that my room is a mess. But I'm too damn tired to clean it. Curses!
Going to try to see the Killers, Keane, and Louis XIV tomorrow night with Nick. I hope I can get tickets at the last minute. That planning stuff is for girls. Um...wait...nevermind.
Oh and as most of you know I went to HFStival a few weeks ago and saw such illustrious musical artists as Social Distortion, Billy Idol, Cold Play, and the Foo Fighters. It was a rockin' show. My friend Raymond took some pics which he should've forwarded to me two weeks ago. ;) I'll get them and post them soon. Maybe.
Alright. To bed then, for tomorrow I work.
"Don't forget about me while you're there
Making friends in your underwear
If all the people stop and stare
It's all the same to me."
The trip to Ohio this past weekend totally wiped me out. And then there was the trip to WV last weekend. Soon I'll have to go back to WV to collect my sexy ghettomobile once Dad has finished resuscitating it. And then there will be another trip to see Colin at the end of the month. Jeez! I like driving and road trips but I think this may be a little overkill.
I was ready to commit hara-kiri on Sunday driving back to Baltimore. It was so bloody hot that day in Cincinnati! As soon as Colin and I walked out the door of his hotel we both began to perspire. I think it was 98F (?) and the humidity was suffocating. Plus the air conditioner doesn't work in the car I'm driving at the moment. Needless to say, I was miserable! I ended up drinking like 10 bottles of water during the drive back. And God knows how many times I had to empty my bladder.
Going back to Dad fixing my car...I'm just amazed that the thing is still functional. It's so ugly! I hate it so much! Yet I need it. Strange relationship. I promise, though, with God and all of you fine people as my witnesses, that when the ghettomobile finally dies (and die it shall) I am taking it to a shooting range with Colin and we're going to unload magazine after magazine into it's mottled rusty grey frame. And you all can come if you want! Bring your spray paint cans! Bring your sledgehammers! Bring your guns!
I need to get in bed. But I'm irritated by the fact that my room is a mess. But I'm too damn tired to clean it. Curses!
Going to try to see the Killers, Keane, and Louis XIV tomorrow night with Nick. I hope I can get tickets at the last minute. That planning stuff is for girls. Um...wait...nevermind.
Oh and as most of you know I went to HFStival a few weeks ago and saw such illustrious musical artists as Social Distortion, Billy Idol, Cold Play, and the Foo Fighters. It was a rockin' show. My friend Raymond took some pics which he should've forwarded to me two weeks ago. ;) I'll get them and post them soon. Maybe.
Alright. To bed then, for tomorrow I work.
"Don't forget about me while you're there
Making friends in your underwear
If all the people stop and stare
It's all the same to me."
The Unfortunate Drunk Girl's Birthday and the Loneliest Penis Cake
I made it to Columbus and then to Cincinnati and back again all in one piece. In my rush to get there at a reasonable hour, I left Deb's penis cake that I had slaved over the previous night. I also forgot to take the rum I bought for the boys in the Caribbean. But it was no matter.
Deb had one hell of a birthday celebration at an Irish pub called Fados (or something like that). According to the rest of the crew, she drank a bazillion drinks and lost control of her motor skills and ability to form a complete sentence. I arrived just in time to avoid stepping into the huge puddle of puke she'd left on the floor on her way to the ladies room. Needless to say, we were shortly asked to leave.
We went back to Shawn and Chris' apartment and since everyone was pretty sleepy at that point, we had a few beers and then retired to sleep. The next day we just lazed around in the morning. Well...everyone else lazed around and chatted. I slept. Then we all went to lunch at Red Robin. And then we went back to the apartment and slept some more. Then we sat around and chatted and listened to music. I took an hour or so to shower and get ready (because I knew I was going to see Colin that night). They complained and teased me. Shawn called me a whore. (Ah, friends.) Then we had an excellent dinner at Cafe Istanbul. Who knew yogurt on beef and lamb could be so darn tasty?
Highlight: Seeing my friends and riding in Chris' new Jeep Wrangler.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn...
I said my goodbyes and then drove to meet up with Colin in Cincinnatti, OH / Newport, KY. Upon arriving I gave him a big hug and kiss...and nearly wound up knocking him over. :) (Christina smash!) He gave me a tour of the Brio Tuscan Grill there in Newport, where's he's completing his 13 weeks of training, and then took me back to his mansion hotel to ravish me.
As we were falling asleep, he snuggled up behind me and put his arm around me. I felt very safe and loved and content...until we started sticking together and had to roll over. Life is never as pretty as in the movies, kiddies. :) I had difficulty sleeping due to jangly nerves and the humidity and spent a good bit of the night tossing, turning, drinking water, and peeing. I think I fell asleep at about 4 am. The sun creeped in...no...wait...paraded in through the skylight in the ceiling above the bed at about 8 am. I cursed daylight, vowed never again to walk in the sunlight, and pulled the covers over my head.
The next morning I tortured Colin for a while by ripping the hairs one by one from his ass and then we went to brunch at Brio where we ate yummy italian cuisine and discussed my recent insanity. He accepted my apology for my lack of trust and then asked me never to boil his bunny. I agreed.
Actually, the part about me apologizing is true and then I expressed to him that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and that I love him very much. I cried a little and then puked on my way to the bathroom. Oh...no, wait. That was Deb. I cried a little and we held hands and had a wonderful meal together.
Afterwards we were driving back toward to hotel and he said, "Honey, want to see something beautiful?" And then he took me to a gigantic party and liquor store very similar to the Liquor Barn where they had every wine, liquor, and beer you could imagine or hope for. And it was beautiful. I bought three bottles of wine per my wonderfully knowledgeable boyfriend's recommendations, which I plan on imbibing with Crescent, Scott, Craig, and Nick sometime in the near future.
Our time together was nearing an end and we were both tense and sad. We went back to the hotel and he made me a whiskey sour. I watched him play Grand Turismo (or something of the sort) and he giddily showed me the cars that he'd won or purchased.
In the middle of this he leaned over and kissed me. It was slow and sweet and warm. One of those kisses that make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. I had rivulets of fire running up my neck. I felt my face heat and my pulse quicken. I just got a shiver thinking about it. We sat close on the couch and watched the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly until it was time for him to go to work and for me to go.
On the 9 hour drive back to Baltimore, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about my fears, my paranoia, my lack of trust. It's so strange. I guess I had never had room for doubt before. We had spent most of our free time together. It just had never really concerned me until he left town. But I realized something about trust. Trust is not something that just is. It's not simple. It's not easy. At least not when you've been betrayed or have betrayed someone. Trust takes thought. Trust is a conscious effort. It's a decision every time a fear pops up. It's saying, "This is really scary for me that you're doing such and such, because I love you and I feel that threatened by this thing that you're doing, but I trust you to make the right decision."
Colin, thank you for helping me to realize this. You truly are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm in awe of how keenly I feel your absence. Hurry home to me, love.
Highlight: Learning how to trust again.
"I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
And I have to speculate
that God himself did make us
into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay.
And true, it may seem like a stretch,
but its thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death.
When you are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio,
I hope this song will guide you home."
Such Great Heights ~ The Postal Service
I made it to Columbus and then to Cincinnati and back again all in one piece. In my rush to get there at a reasonable hour, I left Deb's penis cake that I had slaved over the previous night. I also forgot to take the rum I bought for the boys in the Caribbean. But it was no matter.
Deb had one hell of a birthday celebration at an Irish pub called Fados (or something like that). According to the rest of the crew, she drank a bazillion drinks and lost control of her motor skills and ability to form a complete sentence. I arrived just in time to avoid stepping into the huge puddle of puke she'd left on the floor on her way to the ladies room. Needless to say, we were shortly asked to leave.
We went back to Shawn and Chris' apartment and since everyone was pretty sleepy at that point, we had a few beers and then retired to sleep. The next day we just lazed around in the morning. Well...everyone else lazed around and chatted. I slept. Then we all went to lunch at Red Robin. And then we went back to the apartment and slept some more. Then we sat around and chatted and listened to music. I took an hour or so to shower and get ready (because I knew I was going to see Colin that night). They complained and teased me. Shawn called me a whore. (Ah, friends.) Then we had an excellent dinner at Cafe Istanbul. Who knew yogurt on beef and lamb could be so darn tasty?
Highlight: Seeing my friends and riding in Chris' new Jeep Wrangler.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn...
I said my goodbyes and then drove to meet up with Colin in Cincinnatti, OH / Newport, KY. Upon arriving I gave him a big hug and kiss...and nearly wound up knocking him over. :) (Christina smash!) He gave me a tour of the Brio Tuscan Grill there in Newport, where's he's completing his 13 weeks of training, and then took me back to his mansion hotel to ravish me.
As we were falling asleep, he snuggled up behind me and put his arm around me. I felt very safe and loved and content...until we started sticking together and had to roll over. Life is never as pretty as in the movies, kiddies. :) I had difficulty sleeping due to jangly nerves and the humidity and spent a good bit of the night tossing, turning, drinking water, and peeing. I think I fell asleep at about 4 am. The sun creeped in...no...wait...paraded in through the skylight in the ceiling above the bed at about 8 am. I cursed daylight, vowed never again to walk in the sunlight, and pulled the covers over my head.
The next morning I tortured Colin for a while by ripping the hairs one by one from his ass and then we went to brunch at Brio where we ate yummy italian cuisine and discussed my recent insanity. He accepted my apology for my lack of trust and then asked me never to boil his bunny. I agreed.
Actually, the part about me apologizing is true and then I expressed to him that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and that I love him very much. I cried a little and then puked on my way to the bathroom. Oh...no, wait. That was Deb. I cried a little and we held hands and had a wonderful meal together.
Afterwards we were driving back toward to hotel and he said, "Honey, want to see something beautiful?" And then he took me to a gigantic party and liquor store very similar to the Liquor Barn where they had every wine, liquor, and beer you could imagine or hope for. And it was beautiful. I bought three bottles of wine per my wonderfully knowledgeable boyfriend's recommendations, which I plan on imbibing with Crescent, Scott, Craig, and Nick sometime in the near future.
Our time together was nearing an end and we were both tense and sad. We went back to the hotel and he made me a whiskey sour. I watched him play Grand Turismo (or something of the sort) and he giddily showed me the cars that he'd won or purchased.
In the middle of this he leaned over and kissed me. It was slow and sweet and warm. One of those kisses that make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. I had rivulets of fire running up my neck. I felt my face heat and my pulse quicken. I just got a shiver thinking about it. We sat close on the couch and watched the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly until it was time for him to go to work and for me to go.
On the 9 hour drive back to Baltimore, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about my fears, my paranoia, my lack of trust. It's so strange. I guess I had never had room for doubt before. We had spent most of our free time together. It just had never really concerned me until he left town. But I realized something about trust. Trust is not something that just is. It's not simple. It's not easy. At least not when you've been betrayed or have betrayed someone. Trust takes thought. Trust is a conscious effort. It's a decision every time a fear pops up. It's saying, "This is really scary for me that you're doing such and such, because I love you and I feel that threatened by this thing that you're doing, but I trust you to make the right decision."
Colin, thank you for helping me to realize this. You truly are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm in awe of how keenly I feel your absence. Hurry home to me, love.
Highlight: Learning how to trust again.
"I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
And I have to speculate
that God himself did make us
into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay.
And true, it may seem like a stretch,
but its thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
when I am missing you to death.
When you are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio,
I hope this song will guide you home."
Such Great Heights ~ The Postal Service
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